Tuesday, April 15, 2014

When Delicious Happens

Here's a sign I found on the door of a McDonald's: 

I had no idea that "delicious" was a noun...indeed, even an event that "happens." 

Be sure to check out more McCrap at the Gallery's special feature, "Reasons to Hate McDonald's."

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Wacky Macky

I found this product on my grocery store's shelves the other week: 

Do you really want to put something with the word "wacky" into your mouth?

Monday, April 7, 2014

Closing Me for Hughes

This ad appeared on my Facebook page the other day:

Not only do I not know who the hell Peggy Hughes is (and why would I?). I have no friggin' clue what this ad is trying to say.

Thanks, Facebook, for continuing to live up to my expectations.

For more of these annoying Facebook-sanctioned ads, check out the other Gallery entries Refinancing Freaks, Refinancing Freaks Revisited, Belly Fat Sex, Man-Child, Bin Laden Car Insurance, School for Scoundrels, He Has Risen, Facehole, Storybook Hell, Storybook Hell 2Trans Dad, Sexy Mummy, and Busty Language.

Wanting It on the "Stick"

The inappropriate use of quotes is enough to feature this image in The Gallery of the Absurd. But to compound the sign's ambiguity by referring to someone wanting it "on a stick"? Priceless.

For other such wacky quotation mark usages, be sure to check out the Gallery's special feature, Don't "Quote" Me on That.

Thanks to Averi Clements at Distractify, who compiled a list of these errant quotes.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Members Only Fire Escape

Here's something that Friend of the Gallery, Nick Zachariasen, found in a thrift shop in the Morningside neighborhood of Sioux City, IA:

Friday, January 24, 2014

Uncle Sugar

Sugarville...I wonder if this is where Uncle Sugar hails from. I'll have to make a note to ask Mike Schmuckabee about this.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Fresh and Crisp Clown

My buddy Brian Donahue sent this to me a while back: 

What makes this so disturbing is the image of the clown juxtaposed with the phrase "fresh and crisp."

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Ole' Time Johnny

I saw this ad while stopping over in Blytheville, AR, while traveling during the holidays: 

The excitement emanating from his photo just screams "Ole' Time Variety."

Friday, January 3, 2014

Speaking "EspaƱol"

While waiting in line at my local post office -- and I had a long time to wait -- I noticed this sign:

Why the quotation marks around the translation? Is "Service Door" handled ironically in Spanish? Or is this a way of confusing non-native speakers?

For that matter, why is "COD" possessive?

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Sheer Christmas

I found this two-sided promo card at a hotel in Blytheville, AR, while traveling during the holidays:

I'm not exactly sure what a "sheer Christmas" is all about. Does that refer to Shay's stocking?

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Duck Shit

For me, the most depressing part of this holiday is seeing Duck Dynasty sugar cookies with a seasonal theme. Can someone please tell me what in the hell this obnoxious phenomenon has to do with 1) cookies, 2) Christmas, or 3) basic sensibility?

Christmas is supposed to be a time of love, acceptance, and tolerance, and for recognizing a figure who embodied these qualities. So where does Phil Robertson fit into all of this? The real scrooges here, though, are the money grubbers at A&E. Despite their "suspension" of Robertson, viewers will be able to see his hairy puss in the new season beginning next month. I guess "good will toward men" is fine as long as it doesn't affect the bottom line.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Mr. Weenie!

When in beautiful Peru, Indiana, be sure to stop over and enjoy the goodness that is Mr. Weenie.

This was witnessed on our drive up to Indiana over the weekend. My holiday is now complete!

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Spatula Facts

I got these new rubber spatulas the other day: 

What struck me were the "helpful hints" on the back. I'm glad that they told me that it was the smaller spatula that would fit in narrower spaces. Otherwise, I would have been at a complete loss.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

All I Want for Christmas Is a Delkus Face

This was a poster I found at my local AutoSplash Car Care Center: 

Pete Delkus is one of the local meteorologists here in Dallas. I know this is for a good cause, and god bless him and the folks at WFAA for doing this every year. But that caricature of Delkus kind of creeps me out.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Lemon Freak

What's the deal with this Brisk Lemonade mascot?

What kind of freak of agricultural nature would create a lemon with four eyes? Think about it, won't you?

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