Friday, November 28, 2008

Bah, Humbug!; or, Why I Hate Black Friday

Boy, what a day it's been so far, going to my local super Wal-Mart for a few needed food items this morning and having to deal with annoying shoppers clawing their way through the merchandise so as to take advantage of Black Friday sales...although I don't know what kind of sales they were having, since Wal-Mart prices are already so low.

It's the day after Thanksgiving, and already I'm tired of Christmas. But there's one bright spot during this mad dash between holidays: it gives me the opportunity to feature weird and/or disturbing Christmas advertisements, signs, and labels on the Gallery.

Here's something I first put up on the Gallery of the Absurd back in August, under the heading "Silent Night, Holy Night?". The attempted cuteness of this advertisement, wrapped around a nougaty center of horror, is perfect for what I experienced at the store this morning, so I thought I would showcase it again:

While at the store, I also had to listen to the annoying holiday muzak they played over the loudspeakers. Of course, it being Wal-Mart, they've been playing that damned music since Halloween. It's enough to make you want to sh*t. And speaking of that, here's something rather disturbing I found in that bastion of tastefulness, the Things You Never Knew Existed catalog. Santa's outhouse, doggy doo ornaments, and a mooning to the world. I'm not sure what it is about Christmas and scatological humor, but apparently somebody with the company thought people wanted to buy this crap (no pun intended):

Nothing says "happy holidays" like Santa and defecation.

And to make my day even more annoying, I saw this banner advertisement on Yahoo this morning. Since the banner is rather long and had to be shrunk to fit on the blog, click on the image below to get a better look at it:

Can McDonald's make my holiday wishes come true? Really? And just think, I've been selling them short all of these years. And no need for preparing that holiday poultry. Just buy a batch of McNuggets and watch the festivities begin! I guess the people who brought us the scary Ronald baby and the Arch Deluxe Line Dance are perfectly suited to know how to satisfy the public.

I'll feature more holiday-related ads, signs, and labels in the days to come, ones that demonstrate the true (commercial) meaning of Christmas.

Yeah, I know. I'm a scrooge. But I'm a lovable one.

UPDATE: I just learned that a Wal-Mart worker was trampled to death in the early morning today when shoppers in Valley Stream, Long Island, stormed the store in search of bargains. Merry Christmas, you a-hole shopper/killers. The Gallery of the Absurd wishes that Santa leaves you a lump of coal in a "very special place."


Robot Nine said...

Great post. I love the smarmy, treacle side of Christmas as long as it is self-induced. A tree overloaded with blue lights, presents, meals with family. But everything you said is true and hilarious. "shopper-killers", sounds like a great song title. McDonald's? Holiday dreams come true? Funny. Well, anyway, Merry Christmas.

Batgirl said...

Hey I'm Bah Humbugging right along with you. I hate the christmas season (you know..from October to January) and I rarely go to the stores. Hooray for online shopping!
McDonalds could only make my holiday dreams come true if said dreams consisted of being in the bathroom for hours. And they don't :P

Thelma Lou said...

I understand that police are reviewing the surveillance footage to see if they can catch the people who trampled.

Wal-Mart says the worker came from a temporary agency (read: NOT a Wal-Mart employee), so this poor guy probably didn't even have the meager Wal-Mart level of insurance and employee benefits.

Do you think people can really have a Merry Christmas knowing that they killed a guy to get that HDTV or Bissel Vacuum?

regnillam said...

Hey, I found some video feed of the Santa Outhouse.

Changing LINKS