Monday, February 23, 2009

There's No Place Like Home...for Horror!

Gallery watcher Mike Hulsebus sent me this advertisement. He found it in a catalog from Welcome Home America, a company that specializes in, according to their website, "advertising and gift items for apartment marketing and resident retention." I swear, if I lived in an apartment complex that had something like this, I'd never go back home.

And remember, costumes are not returnable.

By the way, did you notice that this bunny's legs end right where his head begins?

Be sure to check out Mike's blog, Serial Bus.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 2/23/09

Hey kids, it's time for another installment of the Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

Last month, with the annoying model for the week of January 19th, Beth commented on my ongoing wonderment with the idiotic flamingo pose that many J. Crew models seem to assume. Beth pointed out that "the purpose of the flamingo pose is to display footwear," which makes a lot of sense. But what's the deal with this shot? The model is shown almost in full, and even though we can see her feet, she still has her leg raised.

What's more, it looks like she's levitating off the ground. What's up with that? Maybe she's jumping for moronic joy, much like the goofy hillbilly girl.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Mouthing Off

Believe it or not, I found this ad along with the scary laundry ad, the same day in the same newspaper in the same section.

What is it about attractive, full-lipped, bright red-lipsticked, open-mouthed women that appeal to a primarily male-dominated advertising industry?

I know, stupid question...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

FUnny FaCe

Here's an ad I found in the coupon section of the newspaper:

I know our attention should be drawn to her wide eyes and opened mouth, but the thing that gets me is, why are the headline letters a mixture of capital, smaller case, normal, and italic type? A marketing mystery to ponder as I wander forlornly through the aisles of the grocery story...

Friday, February 20, 2009

Addicted to Travel

When in beautiful Taipei, Taiwan, be sure to visit the landmark Morphine Boutique, where all of your dreams come true.

Was something here lost in the translation, or what?

Hats off to Craig McPherson, who found this place while walking the side streets of Taipei a few years ago on a business trip. Let's hope his "business" was a success.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

What a Dish!

With the upcoming switch from analog to digital television broadcasting, I thought this ad from the original Gallery rather timely. Plus, there's the good ol' inappropriate use of quotation marks that's just bound to please!

For those "dish" owners who use their "dish" to "pick up" local channels.

Thanks to David Hocking for sending me this advertisement.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Dark Knight Returns...or at Least Just Shows Up

Here's part of an advertisement that I found in one of the many fliers I get in the mail. I received it late last week, and it's from the Britain Chevrolet dealership in Greenville, TX. Apparently, last Saturday they were having a big sale, and to draw a bigger crowd, they had Batman stop by to make an appearance. I just love the tough, determined, crime-fighting look on this guy's face. And what's he doing with his right hand? Is this the black power salute?

Also, I never associated the Dark Knight with free hot dogs and soda. But it's true! Not only does Batman take a bite out of crime, but he'll wipe out your hunger as well. Check out what kind of soft drink he serves:
Mmmm......Nothing like "Soda" soda.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Gambling with Clowns, Part Deux

In a comment to an Gallery entry I posted on February 8th, an image of the Circus Circus Casino clown sign in Vegas, Arlene said, "scary as that is, the clown sign at Circus Circus in Reno is far more disturbing than the Las Vegas counterpart." I'm with you there, Arlene, and so today's entry is the very sign you mention:

Which do you find more disturbing, Gallery fans? The Las Vegas Circus Circus Casino sign or the one in Reno?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 2/16/09

This week's Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week features the Doublemint Twins! Or at least, it seems to, at first glance.
I don't know about you, but to me these two women look a lot alike, with only different hair. But then again, don't all J. Crew models seem homogeneous?

Double your annoyance, double your fun!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Do Not Attempt to Adjust Your Television

Brings every mind in your household under the control of a malevolent interstellar overlord.

This is an image from an advertisement I featured in the original Gallery of the Absurd. It was something I found on the kitchen wall of two of our close friends, Tracey McHenry and Brian Donahue. I'm not sure where they got it, or in what advertisement they found this creepy TV family, but it mesmerizes me.


Saturday, February 14, 2009

Valentine's Day Creepy Goodness

Happy Valentine's Day from The Gallery of the Absurd!

Here's hoping that all of your Valentine's wishes come true...and that you're not caught by the authorities in the act of fulfilling those wishes.

Today's entry is rather appropriate, I think. It's an image from a circular sent out by Super 1 Foods, a warehouse-style grocery store chain operating in Texas, Louisiana and Arkansas.

I'm not sure what the hell this thing is that's holding a bouquet of flowers. Is it a circus tent? A house with a pointed roof? The funky little love shack? And if it is some kind of dwelling, what does it have to do with Valentine's Day?

Curiously enough, the asterisk that comes after "Express" doesn't really refer to anything in the circular. What good is an unachored asterisk?

Friday, February 13, 2009

Saturday Morning Pizza

Here's an ad from another merchandise flier I recently received in the mail:

The family in this image just strikes me as goofy, something off of a Hanna-Barbara cartoon.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Cracking Up

I got this in the mail the other day, bundled with lot of other fliers advertising services and merchandise:

The thing that got me is the catch phrase, "Got a crack? Call me back." I don't know, out of context the "crack" comment just struck me as funky. Of course, the creepily accommodating look on this guys face wasn't insignificant.

A question that can guide all of our lives.

Surfing for Jesus

Log on for some wacky fun!

I wonder if this web site requires a special password?

My prayers go out to Peter Lewis for committing this sin of humor.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Doormat Love

Here's an ad I received last week via email. It was from L.L. Bean, advertising their Waterhog doormats:

There are several things that bother me about this advertisement. First, the quote above: "Is it really wrong to love a doormat?" Well...yes. Not only is this kind of "love" illegal in many states, but of all things to show affection for, why a doormat? Wouldn't this kind of affection cause massive chafing? And wouldn't it be better to love animate objects, which can also be things that we walk all over? Why not love this puppy? And speaking about the puppy, why use him in this ad? I know he's cute, and he's supposed to make us feel all warm and melty inside (and more apt to buy the lovable doormat), but when I see this image, I can't help but think that the dog is about to pee on the doormat. It's almost as if it's this dog, not an L.L. Bean customer, telling us he loves this poop on! Where is Triumph the Insult Dog when you need him?

Something Wicked This Way Comes...

Here's an advertisement I featured in the original Gallery of the Absurd, an oldie but a goodie:

What better way to vulgarize your loved one?!

I have to tell you....this really frightens me. I don't know what is more disturbing: the fact that some company is selling this, or knowing that there are people out there who want to buy this.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 2/9/09

Your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of February 9.

For some reason, when I look at this picture, the word "duh!" comes to mind. I don't know, there's just something about the look on her face that makes me wonder about her thought processes.

In some ways, she seems the female equivalent of the dorky dude I featured for the week of 12/29/08. Maybe they should hook up and start a family. Perhaps that's where dorky J. Crew kids come from.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Am I Vein?

Your Sew Vein, a "New York-based blog for grammar, spelling and usage snobs," is running a series of interviews with bloggers who are concerned with language in one way or another. Yesterday the blog published an interview with me, since the Gallery focuses (at least in part) on inappropriate grammar/punctuation usage in contemporary signs, labels, and advertisements. I don't say anything profound...but then again, I never do. Check it out at

Say it! Say it! Say "I lost the nest-egg." Go on, say it!

Nothing like a frightening clown image to top off your weekend!

This one is a picture of the garishly unsettling sign for the Circus Circus Casino in Las Vegas. And circuses are supposed to be fun, right?

I'm reminded of one of my favorite films, Albert Brooks's Lost in America, where the couple meet the horrors of reality in Las Vegas. Looking at this sign, I can more fully understand where Brooks was going with this.

The Desert Inn has heart, the Desert Inn has heart....

Saturday, February 7, 2009

What Does Billy Bob Smell Like?

I'm a big fan of the Boxmasters, and I'm an avid coffee drinker. But do the two tastes go great together? Apparently someone thinks so:

I don't know about using the word "reeks" to sell your product. Makes me think of Karl in Slingbade. But you can decide for yourself by visiting the CoffeeFool website, the company that sells this suspect brew.

Once again, much thanks to my friend, Hunter Hayes, for the contribution. I think of him as the Gallery's own Karl Childers.

The Name Speaks for Itself

I'm not certain where this is, but it's a place you may want to avoid:

You know, I've always been repulsed by men who consider women nothing more than a piece of meat.

Thanks to Fred Hudson for finding this cute little joint (and on his honeymoon, no less!).

So Close, You Can Just Smell It

When in beautiful Kentucky, please visit Stinking Creek Road. It's the vacation spot of your dreams!

Thanks to Debra Hancock for providing this little bit of smelly goodness.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Do You Believe?

Here's the cover of a recent quilting catalog my wife got through the mail:

I don't know, there's just something about this fairy that gives me the willies. Let's take a closer look:

I'm not sure if I should be touched by the cuteness, or frozen in fear for the sheer evil lying behind those fairy eyes.

Bite Me!

An effective way to sell apples? You decide.

We have Lisa D'Ambrose to thank for this Canadian ad.

Actually, this is something I'd love to say to some of my colleagues. An effective intellectual response, is it not?

Monday, February 2, 2009

Pod People

Here's the label off of a "pod" of water a colleague of mine had at a department meeting the other day:

I just think that the name is weird: "aqua pod." Sounds like some sort vehicle that the Submariner drives. Either that, or an unfortunate growth that builds underneath the skin.

Much thanks to my good friend, Hunter Hayes, for podding out on me last Friday.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 2/2/09

Here's an Annoying J. Crew Model I featured in the original Gallery of the Absurd back in the late 1990s. I'm not sure what this freak is doing, but whatever it is, apparently she's trying to snap into action.

This is just as stupid now as it was back then.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Brand You Can Trust...Like Pennywise and John Wayne Gacy

We haven't had a good, scary clown image in a long time. That being the case, I'll ring in the marvelous month of February with another installment in the "Clowns Are Scary" special feature of the Gallery:

Not sure what the clown has to do with TEC America, but the look on his face makes me want to wet my britches in fear. Here's a description of the company:

"Manufacturer of thermal and thermal transfer printers and ribbons. The company offers high-density printing of bar codes, graphics, and multicolor labels. Portable and desktop devices that can be networked through RF are also available, as well as RFID printing and encoding."

If anyone thinks that technology and its many offshoots are evil, all they have to do is to look at this label.
Changing LINKS