Monday, July 20, 2009

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 07/20/09

I bring you....Skeletor!!

Please send all of your food donations to the J. Crew corporation. Models need nutrition too.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Go Pork Yourself

Did you have an enjoyable Sunday breakfast this morning, perhaps one at a nice country buffet? Then while you're sitting there digesting all of that meat and eggs, get a load of this. Here's an advertisement for the Taste of Country Buffet in Wilmington, NC.

You know it must be good, because the pig featured in the picture above is licking his chops over the hickory-smoked yumminess that will soon be his carcass.

If you are interested in more disturbing ads depicting animals celebrating or participating in their own demise, then visit the blog Suicide Food. Meat may be murder....but it's just so lovably wacky!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Joy Us Times

Whether your sabbath falls on Saturday or on Sunday, everyone is sure to love the yummy religious goodness of today's Gallery entry.

This is a sign out in front of a Baptist church here in Commerce, TX:

Obviously this is an attempt at youth outreach, but the title of the program just struck me as odd. "Just Older Youth Up to Something"? Depending on how you look at it, that might not be such an innocent thing. And wouldn't it have taken them just a little more effort to make this acronym one with an appropriate spelling? If they wanted the "o" in there and really wanted to emphasize their kids' actions, then perhaps they could have called this program "Just Older Youth Overtly Up to Something." Or if they wanted to downplay things, then perhaps "Just Older Youth Ordinarily Up to Something." Or maybe they could show how preoccupied their kids are with "Just Older Youth Obsessively Up to Something." Or if they're wanting to go for that religious green feel, then "Just Older Youth Organically Up to Something." Still, they could have opted for "Just Older Youth Orally Up to Something" and see their attendance shoot through the steeple.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Your One-Stop Redneck Shopping Experience

Dig this classy joint in Noble County, Indiana.

And I thought Texas Redneckdom was all whacked out. This business has got something for everyone...gun nuts, porn aficionados, and Tolkien fanatics. Rather appropriate, I think.

Much thanks to Lomez and the L.A. Times' "Strange Stores" website.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Spooning Up Racism?

That wacky guy, Nick Zachariasen, sent us another nougaty morsel of pop cultural goodness, this one involving race.
If you don't already know, these are plastic spoons in the shapes of various animals. Nick recently bought some ZooPals Funtensils to make dinner time fun for his child.
Nick noticed that one of the spoons shaped like a monkey seemed to bear a striking similarity to the kind of 19th-century and early 20th-century caricatures of African Americans.
Let's take a closer look at this spoon:
Next to the closeup of the spoon are images of Obama as a sock money and the head shot of a lawn jockey.

The resemblance may be unintentional and innocent enough. But as Arsenio Hall used to say, this may be one of those things that make you go Hmmmmmm.

Death and the Art of Driving

Here's an older advertisement featured in the original Gallery of the Absurd:


Thousands die on our highways each month. Is this what they mean by "driving excitement"? What Einstein of an ad executive thought this one up?

Orion MacDougall, not a Pontiac enthusiast, was kind enough to send this to me.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Pop Slop

Just when you thought there wasn't enough Michael Jackson news in your life...here's today's entry!

Nothing like a dead pop icon staring at you from a "limited edition" plate.

I wonder if La Toya and her Psychic Network saw this coming.

Thanks to Gallery fan Janine for once again opening my eyes to the scariness underlying our popular culture.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

How Would Jesus Spell?

Well, I guess no being is perfect.


I, and Chirst, thank the Crummy Church Signs blog for providing today's spiritual awakening.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Tolkien Porn

Today's Gallery entry is dedicated to my friend Tracey, who was recently bemused and befuddled by this advertisement. It's for the online game Evony, and many of you have probably seen these kinds of ads popping up as you've navigated the web. I haven't played this game, but I can tell by looking at the images what kind of audiences they're targeting.

The heaving bosom in the picture above, along with the phrase "Play now, My Lord," are obvious enough. But more strange is the ad below:

If the queen is actually in mortal danger, then why is the sword pointing down toward her cleavage? Wouldn't a sword at her neck be more life threatening? But I guess it's not her neck we should be noticing here, right?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 07/13/09

This week's annoying J. Crew model is taken from an older catalog.

I'm not sure what he's doing with his hands here. What do you think?

Friday, July 10, 2009

Twinn Funn


Ego formation has never been wackier!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Spank Me, Spank My Cold Cuts

This is a picture that someone sent me a while back, but I have since lost the contact information (if you're out there and see this, let me know).

It's another in a growing line of inadvertent BDSM-related businesses featured on the Gallery. Check out the S&M Variety Shop, the S&M Shopping Arcade, and the home of the handspanked burger. It all hurts so good.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Tramping around with Harry

Here's a sign that long-time Gallery fan, Nick Zachariasen, found a few years ago. It was in a Sam's Club in Sioux Falls, SD, advertising the release of Rowling's latest installment at the time:

Apparently, Harry's adventures are taking him into areas that are more mature than we ever expected.

Thanks again to Nick for keeping us updated on the weird stuff out there.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Funereal Fun

The photograph that Ingred contributed reminds me of a sign here in Commerce, TX. It's for a new funeral home run by the Swindling family.

Make sure your loved ones are safe in the ground before paying the bill.

Sham?...Wow!

Here's a photograph sent to me by Ingred Chamberlin. She found this sign while walking down El Camino Real in San Mateo, CA.

Did anyone ever consider market testing the company name?

And for that steampunk in you, be sure to check out Ingrid's blog, Machina Fatalis.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Neckrophilia

Staying on today's theme of weird neck positions...

Here's something from a German catalog that someone sent me a while back.

Is she an accident victim or what?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 07/06/09

Here's your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of July 6th.

This image was on the cover of a recent catalog:

Why is he holding his neck in this weird way? Cervical disc disease, or just plain goofiness?

Sunday, July 5, 2009

KFC Krap

They've been airing this KFC commercial a lot lately. At first I wondered why this particular commercial featured only women. It seemed to me at first that this was another gendered attempt to market "healthy" food to women. According to our culture, men can pig out on fried crap and can get as doughy as they want, but women need to watch their weight if they want to be attractive. Why do you see only women in diet cola ads? Then I learned that Oprah, that paragon of popular "taste," has recently promoted KFC grilled chicken. So that explains the focus on soccer moms.

What's with the woman saying "I knew there was something missing in my life"? Is she so vapid that she needs fast food to be complete? Is this what happens from reading too many books in the Oprah book club?

Al's Meat

Before there was Richard Kind, there was lovable "Al the Grocer," Al Molinaro. In this older ad from the original Gallery of the Absurd, Al shows us that "Happy Days" are here again.

I wonder if "2-lb. family size" refers to him or the entree.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Declare Your Fundependence

Happy 4th of July from The Gallery of the Absurd!

Today is a day to remember those who have sacrificed for our country, cook out with friends, and spend our way into a consumer coma! That's right, another holiday, another time to buy crap, and here are some of the things that folks are peddling this Independence Day.

Actually, this is an ad from last year's July 4th. Ah....nothing says patriotism like exposure to another mind-numbing knock-off of American Idol, a show that got its start in Britain.


Let's go camping! Remember, the gas you guzzle may help to finance terrorist activities here at home.


And our old friends at Seductive Search aren't going to let this holiday go by without milking it. Show your love for our country by reaching out to touch the stars and stripes.


And what in America goes hand-in-hand with scantily-clad women? Guns, of course! As we've seen before, maybe firearms are a family affair after all.

By the way, notice the curious use of quotation marks. Our country, our punctuation...love 'em or leave 'em.

God bless America!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Having a Ball This Holiday Weekend

Do you know the way to San Jose? Next time you're there, be sure to stop in at Ball Liquors.

Come for the pun, stay for the wacky lettering on their sign.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Apple Jerks

What is it about breakfast cereal packaging that disturbs me? This isn't the first time. I was in the grocery store the other day, and I came across this bit of consumer weirdness. There's something freaky about the layout of this box. The little apple and cinnamon creatures are prancing around the logo, with the apple leering at the little girl in an unsettling way. And it looks like the non-animated cinnamon stick is lobbing an apple jack at the girl's head.

Creepiest of all is this apple thing. Nothing like good ol' nightmare fuel to start your sugary, vitamin-packed day.

In the midst of all the box top horror, this cute little girl is sitting calmly with her ball and the words "Affordable Summer Fun" splashed across her torso.

If the box top is any indication, I would guess that this "affordable" family fun is something you'd find at Camp Crystal Lake or the Bates Motel.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Doing It Clown Style

Laugh your way through the End Times, doing it "clown style," with J.T. "Bubba" Sikes's revelations through illusions!

I guess there are some who would argue redundancy here, that the "Good News" is an illusion.

And remember, kids, nothing says "instructional" like the word "Bubba"!
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