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Wear it and be proud!

Jolly Tamale

The Jolly Tamale, in Springfield, Illinois.

A nice place to eat, but I have no clue what that thing is on top of the tamale.

Drinking Clown Style

Norwalk, California, home of Bobo's Cocktails! The lettering on the sign promises a good time.

You can't miss the place. You'll see this face right before you walk in:

Usually you see frightening images like this after you've been inside the bar for awhile.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 11/23/09

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of November 23rd:

Tis the season...for goobiness!

I am assuming that she's making a snow angel...or a snow goob. Why else would she be sprawled in such an idiotic pose? And why the hell do this with a bag of ornaments in her hand?

Claw Atttorney

If you are ever injured in Grand Prairie, TX, be sure to visit the claw offices of Allen Cox.

He's so good, he can afford three Ts in his sign.

Good "Guys"

Here is an advertisement from a flyer that we recently got in the mail. On first glance, there's nothing really strange or wrong with the ad. It's just your typical notice from a car dealership.

But then when you disregard the autos and begin focusing on the people, something weird begins to happen.

Two things strike me about this image. First, what kind of good guys are these? This looks more like a rogues' gallery than a photo taken for publicity purposes. Second--and perhaps closely connected to my first speculation--notice the qualifying quotation marks. Are car salesmen more ironic than I originally gave them credit for being?

I wonder if these "good guys" are ever dry?

Master Disguiser of His Domain

Here's a picture of a toy machine I found outside of a restaurant in Sulphur Springs, TX.

Outside of the fact that I wouldn't want my child to wear this stuff, I can't get over the look on this kid's face. Looks like he's hopped up on goofballs. Or perhaps he's disguising himself as a South American drug lord.

Party on, Garth

Another contribution from Gallery friend, Nick Zachariasen:

SCHWING!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 11/16/09

It's a few days late, but here is your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of November 16th:

Another in an ongoing series of flamingo poses. The last one I had up was back on September 14th. Boy, when you lift your leg, you lose all sense of time..

Don't Eat the Brown French Fries

A good friend of mine and an original fan of the Gallery, Al Wirtes, sent this to me. Earlier this week, his wife bought their daughter a Happy Meal, and this image was in the bottom corner of the box:

Has Ronald been ingesting certain substances in an effort to "dream up new creations"? Or, in the words of Al, WTF is up with the clown?

Tolkien Porn, Part IV

Here's another recent Web ad from the Evony people. Looks like they're going beyond the mere display of cleavage.

This isn't Carrie Prejean from one of her pre-pageant videos, is it? Whoever it is, I hope she washes her hands when she's through "playing."

And be sure to check out their previous exhibitions!

Patriotic Panties

Here is an image a friend received in an email from Freshpair, an online seller of underwear. It's part of a flyer for their Veterans Day clearance sale.

Leave it to marketing geniuses to exploit a solemn occasion in order to hawk bras and panties.

Quoting the Mat

Here's a place mat used at Paesano's, a local Italian restaurant in Commerce, TX:

What caught my attention is the description of the Leaning Tower of Pisa...better know, according to the place mat, as the "Leaning Tower" of Pisa. The qualifying quotes made all the difference.

Much thanks to Brad Klypchak, better known as "Brad Klypchak," for pointing this out to me.

You Can Get Arrested for That

I was walking by a Big Lots last week that was starting to put up its holiday items. Toys were prominently displayed in the front window, and many of these were Munchkin Cheers dolls. Apparently, you can squeeze them or touch them in certain places, and they'll make a noise. I noticed that one of the dolls in the display had been placed upside down in her box and that the "Try Me" hole was curiously positioned:

Kids, don't try this at home.

Clowning with Animal Rights

Here's a series of ads cooked up by the Partners Lisboa advertising agency in Portugal. Click on the image to see a larger version and get the full effect.

Animals are not clowns...we get that. But why put them behind bars and cages? I know that suggests their imprisonment and degradation--show pieces for our amusement, just as clowns are seen--but isn't the freakish getup a bit of an overkill? Either include them in just cages or show them in clown makeup. The effect is the same either way. Besides, do you really think that dressing the animals up as clowns will better endear them to us? What about those of us who find clowns, mimes, and the like annoying or frightening? Think about it, won't you?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 11/9/09

Your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of November 9th:

Another in a series of forlorn, gaunt, and raggedy-looking models. Emaciated indigence is chic!

Thems Good Eating!

When driving through Van Horn, Texas, be sure to grab yourself some diesel fried chicken.

The Colonel has nothing on this place.

I think the tires really cinch it for me. Nothing like rubber-smoked okra on the side!

Thai Me Up, Tie Me Down

For those who like a little spice, not only in their cuisine, but in their bedrooms as well.

Shake Hands with the Wiener

My friend, Nick Zachariasen, provided these images of a new restaurant opening in Sioux Falls, SD:

Just look at that wiener. Not only does he make me hungry, but I'm overcome with a desire to become his friend.

Must...obey...the...wiener...

Ensuring Creepiness

Here's still another online advertisement I found while checking my Yahoo mail account:

God, what a creepy way to start my day. I don't even want to think about where this guy's beard may have been.

Phone Sex?

Here is another ridiculous banner ad I found on one of the email programs. Can't remember if it was Yahoo or Gmail.

What does the scantily clad woman have to do with making money with your cell phone? And what kind of "glitch" do you have to contextualize with quotes? I don't know, since it wasn't worth my time to click through to see what this advertisement was all about.

You would think that this advertiser would at least have been a tad more subtle about his marketing strategy. Why not just go directly for the money shot, if you're going to be that obvious? I hate to say it, but this makes Evony ads look halfway intelligent.

Advertise Me Happy

I've noted before the many curious billboards in this part of northeast Texas. Here's another one:

I'm not exactly sure why this woman is so ecstatic about advertising on a billboard, and almost orgasmically so. What exactly is she selling?

What Did He Just Say?

I'm still trying to get over Doo Doo the Clown, but I don't think this entry will help me. It's a commercial for Crazy Gideon's, an electronics store in Los Angeles:

Part of the fun is not having a friggin' clue what he's actually saying most of the time.

Much thanks to Michael at Adnoxious for providing this psychotic gem.

Crap, a Clown!

For your Monday morning pleasure, I bring you...

Doo Doo the Clown!

Yep, you read that correctly. There's a clown by the name of "Doo Doo." He's managed by a Canadian company, Farco Entertainment, and apparently is quite popular. Here is an advertisement for the clown in the form of an information card:

And here's the back of the card, filled with Doo Doo statistics:

I could make more comments about the clown, but why bother? This phenomenon speaks for itself.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 11/2/09

For this week's Annoying J. Crew Model, I wanted to present something from an older catalog and an image I presented in the original Gallery of the Absurd:

"Darned if I'll suit up..." So apparently, this guy is just so happy with his pajamas that he wears them out indiscriminately for all to see. I really hope he doesn't feel that excited about his underwear.

The Ol' In and Out

Yesterday out family went to the They Might Be Giants concert at the House of Blues in Dallas. It was an incredible show, fun for kids and adults alike. But before the concert, we had to find a place to park, and we did so in a lot next to the House of Blues. The attendant there charged us $10 and then gave us this ticket:

Apparently some people have mistaken the House of Blues for another kind of house.Notice the bottom part of the ticket with its rules on "in and out privileges."

And why put that phrase in quotes? Ironic intent, direct discourse, or code for something else?