Saturday, July 31, 2010

Smokers of the World, Unite!

Arise, comrade! Tell those Capitalist dogs it's time for another installment of


Thanks to Dave Carvell who sent in this weekend's retro-ad. As he observes, the tattoo on this guy's hand is reminiscent of the hammer and sickle.
My god...maybe Joseph McCarthy was right after all.

Friday, July 30, 2010

"Southern" Cooking

When in Marion, Alabama, be sure to stop by J&R's.

They're known for their hamburgers, but apparently not for their judicious use of quotation marks.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Want a Balloon?

Here's another warped advertisement I found in a Harriet Carter catalog:

The merchandise itself is disturbing enough, but it's the way this ad is presented that gives me the fantods. The clown is splayed in front of the door, completely blocking your exit. It reminds me of that creepy clown in Poltergeist, injected with a healthy dose of Pennywise. "You ain't going no where, kid!"

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Shower Poop

My good friend, Randy Crain, found this sign in a marina bathroom in southern California:

Needing a sign for something like this is disturbing enough. What's even weirder is the small print at the bottom, a phone number for questions concerning this policy. much more clarification do you need?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Come with Me If You Want to Live...with Freshness!

In the spirit of yesterday's Gallery entry, here's another gem brought to you by the fine people at Proctor & Gamble.

An in-store display for Sarah Connor "Limited Edition" Always Pantiliners. For an everyday clean feeling...that kicks ass!

Much thanks to my bro-in-law, Paul Siegfried, for sending me this picture and for alerting us to one of the fastest growing problems we face today: cyborg freshness.

Monday, July 26, 2010

The Quicker Pucker Upper

Here's another item I recently received in the mail, a $1 coupon for Bounty paper towels.

There's something about the juxtaposition of the frying pan and the little girl's face that just doesn't sit right. Might Proctor & Gamble be going for that domestic violence demographic?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 7/26/10

The Annoying J. Crew Model(s) for the week of July 26th:

Twins? I know that, given the unreality of the fashion industry, all models tend to look alike. But sometimes, with its consistency of image, J. Crew can get downright spooky.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Hamster Scat

Another damned legacy of the dreaded Hamster Dance:

Please, just shoot me now.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Once again, it's time for another titillating installment of


I'm not exactly sure what to make of this advertisement from the 1970s.
I thought that going bra-less was supposed to be something rebellious back then, a way of expressing your freedom from confining societal and gender restraints. But apparently, it's better to suffer those restraints and only appear to be rebellious. I guess "having that sensual cold weather look all the time" is one way of sticking it to the to speak.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Four out of Five Doctors Recommend...

Here's a banner advertisement I found on a Website yesterday:
These kind of ads are ridiculous enough. But the thing that gets me about this particular banner is its appeal to research authority. And you know these studies must be legitimate because they underline "very."

Thursday, July 22, 2010

My Joy, My Pain

I got this advertisement in the mail a couple of days ago:

More pop culture pablum from the maudlin folk at Ashton-Drake Galleries. If this is truly a "personalized" doll, then how come the length, and the gender, is standardized? And all for around $60.

If this wasn't stomach-turning enough, then check out other Ashton-Drake monstrosities: Cute as a Button, Heavenly Handfuls, M&M Miniatures, Little Devil, and Claire.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Sprots Drink

Athletes usually get a bad rap, often associated with a lack of intelligence. This sign for Gatorade doesn't help.

Thanks once again to Nick Zachariasen, who found this while visiting the HyVee in Vermillion, SD.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Oink Oink

The thing that disturbs me most about this ad are the words "See other side for Cow and Cat faucets."

Much thanks to Kyle T. for his attentiveness to swine-related advertising.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Dummy's Guide to Sink Drains

A while back someone--I've since lost his name--sent me this scan. It's of the back of a package for a rubber drain stopper.

I'm glad they include instructions for this. If they didn't, can you imagine the danger that would ensue?

And remember, folks: No tools needed for installation!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 7/19/10

Your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of July 19th:

Two questions: 1) Just how skinny do these models have to be before they become parodies of themselves? 2) What's the deal with her posture? It looks like she has bladder control problems.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Leaky Chicken

Here's a Foster Farms commercial that caught my eye...and not in a good way.
There's something about the leaking chicken that's just plain gross...especially when he's spraying all over the place. That kid's going to be traumatized for life.

"He's a plumper! He's a plumper!"

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Bread of the Damned

Wake up the kiddies! It's time for this week's installment of


Today's retro-pain is brought to you by Gallery stalwart, Dave Carvell. It's a 1954 ad that went with the slogan, "Bread's better 'cause it's fresher in Cellophane."
Dave noted that this creepy little girl looks like she's straight out of Village of the Damned.
You know....I think he's right.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Funny Meat

Here's the sign of the Clown Burger restaurant in Haltom City, TX:
The hands of the clown seem unusually small, don't they?

They opened a second location, called Clown Burger Too, with this sign painted on the side of the building:

I'm not exactly sure what a "clown hamburger" is...and I don't think I want to know.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Breakfast "Food"

Here's a sign on top of a convenience store gas pump advertising the "yummy" food to be found inside:

Mmmmmm.....Nothing like "real" gas station food to get your morning going.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Don't Be "Late"

Here's an advertisement I found in a local paper not too long ago:

I'm not exactly sure why they felt the need to place "late Thursdays" in quotes. Is this supposed to be coded language for those already initiated, something akin to knowing the password at a speakeasy?

For more quotation quirkiness, be sure to check out the Gallery's specialty page, "Don't 'Quote' Me on That."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

...By Any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet

Here are a couple of images someone sent me last year. They're of Asian posters advertising for brands of toilets.
I guess the attractive women in comely poses are supposed to make toilets more appealing.
And what's the deal with this one and the rose on her rear?

These ads remind me of what comedian Dave Attel once said about the uselessness of air fresheners: "It never just smells like lemons, it always smells like lemons and ass. Like a lemon-ass. And nothing beats ass."

Monday, July 12, 2010

If Republicans Spoke Like Shatner

Today's Gallery entry is brought to you by Gary Walker at the Court Street Literary Collective, LTD. Gary saw this sign in Chickasaw, Alabama:

Apparently the conservative yahoo who put up this sign is a fan of Star Trek, since his message is presented in Shatner-Speak, staccato phrasing and disconnected utterances: Constitution...DEAD...America...Socialist...GOD...HELP us!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 7/12/10

Love is in the air, as well as odors I can't quite place. It must be time for the
Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

Why are they levitating off of the ground?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Kink and the Common Homemaker

We're having a spankin' good time with this week's installment of


This old Chase and Sanborn advertisement raises a whole mess o' questions surrounding coffee, S&M, homemaking, misogyny, and "store-testing." Too many for us to address here today.

I wonder if this woman prepares handspanked burgers for her husband?

Friday, July 9, 2010

Is Our Kids Learning?

Here's a poster produced by a political organization in the U.K., the Kingston Conservatives:

It seems that conservatives across the pond are just as educationally challenged as those that are home grown.

This reminds me of a previously posted example of conservative imbecility. Sometimes, finding stuff to make fun of is just too, too easy.

Thanks to Apostrophe Catastrophes for providing today's Gallery entry.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Sometime a Cigar Is Just Stupid

Here's an catalog listing brought to you by the good people at Harriet Carter:

There are so many things about this ad that disturbs and/or concerns me. Why would someone intentionally wear a t-shirt advertising their repulsive habits? Why does this t-shirt look like a cheap Fruit of the Loom undershirt on which someone just slapped a little lettering? Why in the catalog description do they include quotations around the individual words "ifs," "ands," and "butts" instead of just quoting the whole phrase? Why, on the t-shirt, is the word "no" underlined in red? But perhaps the most pressing question is this: What the hell is this guy's problem?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Eating with Baboo

I was in a Chinese restaurant last week, and this is the wrapper from my chopsticks:

Reading the package, I was surprised to learn that I was eating with baboo. Not sure what to make of that.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Chip Spread Windshield Cost Free

Today's Gallery entry was submitted by Taylor McGraw. The other month, he got a repair service to fix a chip in a window, and after the job was done, the repairman handed him this card:

Two questions: What exactly is this card trying to say? And why the recycling symbol?

Be sure to check out Taylor's blog, This is My Life, where you'll find similar strangeness.

Monday, July 5, 2010

A "Special" Meal

This is an ad I found in local freebie newspaper:

When you ask about the "nightly specials," air quote with your fingers and see what kind of reaction you get.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 7/5/10

I present to you the Annoying J. Crew Model(s) for the week of July 5th:

To underscore the patriotism exhibited during this time of the year, J. Crew does its part by giving us the many colors of America: white, black, brown...but for all practical (and merchandising) purposes, "white."

Nothing like smooth underarms and mock celebration to get your week going.

Saturday, July 3, 2010


Hold on to your's time for some


This weekend's retro-ad is provided by Al Wirtes. He found this while thumbing through the February 1935 issue of Popular Science:
As Al points out, this looks very much like something that you would find in Michael Kupperman's comic, Tales Designed to Thrizzle. Who knew that Lifebuoy was so hip and ahead of its time?

Friday, July 2, 2010

Calming Your Crack

Our ol' friend, Dave Carvell, sent in today's entry. He found this in a local store:

And's all natural!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Eye-Poppin' Fun

Here's the package of a "fun straw" my son got several years ago:

Maybe with the emphasis on human anatomy, this could be considered an educational toy.

Changing LINKS