Sunday, January 31, 2010

Quotation "Fix"ation

For your Sunday enjoyment, another in an ongoing series of questionable quotation usage:

Much thanks to my good friend, Al Wirtes, who found this image on the Website There, I Fixed It.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Sock It to Me

While in the checkout line at my local Walmart, I saw Vince Shlomi's "Slap Chop" on an impulse buying shelf (and sitting beside Snuggies, no less).
I could comment on how the slogan at the bottom of the package, "Making America skinny, one slap at a time!," is rather appropriate, given his adventures last year with a South Beach prostitute. But I won't.

What really disturbs me about this product is Shlomi's face on the package. Have you noticed how freaky it is? Go ahead, take a closer look:

Now I feel like I need a shower.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Bouncy Bouncy

Here's another Web-based advertisement, a flash file advertising for AT&T:

I'm not sure if a bouncing head barely attached to its neck is your best choice for a mascot. Jeez, this guy's head is so freaky.

Man-Child

Here's one of the advertisements I recently found on my Facebook profile page.

What the hell is this all about?! The image is enough to make you crap your britches in fear.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Mummy Man

I was on Yahoo Mail the other day and I came across this flash ad. It's for regiMEN, an anti-aging skincare formula for men. The thing that creeped me out about this is that the image of the guy, before his face is "wiped" young, looks like something you'd fine in a museum, the Egyptian section where they keep the mummies. Check it out:


Touch My Softness

Here is a tag from one of the plush toys my daughter received during the holidays:

There are some interesting things I could say about this, but I'll refrain.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Freshening Up

Here's an advertisement I found in a Dr. Leonard's catalog we recently received in the mail. The company bills itself as "America's Leading Discount Healthcare Catalog." It offers all sorts of items for maintaining health, hygiene, and mobility...including the Snuggie and the Shake Weight. Along with all of these health-oriented items, most targeting a more mature audience, there is this, the Activ-otc Power Strips:

These look disturbingly like the Listerine Breath Strips.
Wow. Fresh breath...and tumescence. What a bargain!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

A Case of the $/hits

Here's a blast from the past. When I had the original Gallery of the Absurd, it was still the early days of widespread Internet usage. There were many sites that ran advertisements soliciting the use of banners and how big of a payoff it could be. Here's such an ad I found back in the late 1990s, but I don't think I ever used it in the Gallery back then:

And the $hits keep coming!

Inspirational Cat Food

I found this sample packet of cat treats in a bag of cat food.

I'm not too sure I like the idea of "inspired" and "accented" cat food. Especially this stuff, which smells like crap.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Gaudy Grammar

A friend of mine, Brad Klypchak, found this place across from a strip mall in Tyler, TX. Brad says that apparently nothing has fallen from the sign, since the name is spelled the same way in signs on both corners of the building.
But if anyone should happen to find a missing "g" or a missing double quote mark, please let us know.

And by the way, what an idiotic name for a business.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/25/10

I've been away from the Gallery for a couple of weeks, but now I'm back and am ready to present to you the Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

Since there hasn't been an Annoying J. Crew Model since the week of January 4th, I thought I'd make it up to you and provide a catalog image of not one, not two, but three annoying models:
It's the goob in the middle who really gives me the willies.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Slopping the Hogs

This came in the mail the other day:

To me, there's something about the word "bucket" that just doesn't suggest partying.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Taste the Face

Why, why, why?! Apparently, the Vitamin Water company allowed Facebook uses to choose the new flavor for their product, and they chose...Facebook-flavor!
It's called "Connect," and it's described as having "a tasty black cherry-lime flavor made with caffeine and 8 key nutrients." I guess both the caffeine and nutrients are needed so that happy consumers can stay awake and healthy enough to remain logged onto Facebook.

"Made by fans, for fans on Facebook." My god...if there's anything that would make me want to deactivate my Facebook account, this would be it.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Creamy Ball

The product name says it all.

Go ahead and say it out loud, perhaps to a loved one: Creamy ball.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Don't Trust Anyone under "40"

I was in Walmart the other day, and I saw this sign at the customer service desk:

So I guess that if "you" look like you're "underage," please be sure to have your "ID" on hand to "prove" that you're over the "legal" age.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Banana-lama-dingdong

About a year and a half ago I started to notice some weird or annoying stickers they were putting on the bananas I buy at the store. These were all from the Chiquita company and you can find the stickers here, here, here, and here. Yesterday, however, when getting more bananas, I noticed this on the bunch:

I had never gotten Carmelita brand bananas before, but what struck me about this sticker is the icon of whom I take to be product's mascot. At first, I thought that this was an image of a skeleton, and that there was some weird Day of the Dead thing going on with my fruit (they are from Mexico, after all). If you really look at it, there is something spooky and a tad disturbing about this label.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Phallic Phun for Everyone

Good friend and Gallery stalwart, Al Wirtes, found this toy box cover in a Big Lots:

And here is Ring around the Nosy in action:


Brian Donahue, another good friend of the Gallery, points out that in The Interpretation of Dreams, Freud says, "We have a case of such displacement when the genitals are replaced by the face in the symbolism of thought.... The nose is compared to the penis in numerous allusions..."

Thanks, Al and Brian, for putting our toy-filled holiday season into context.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/4/10

Here it is, your first Annoying J. Crew Model of 2010:

What the hell is she doing?

And take off those stupid pink socks!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Punctuation Station

A sign spotted outside of a commuter rail station in Hamden, CT:

I know there's handicapped parking, but I've never heard of special parking for the punctuationally challenged.

Much thanks to the blog, Apostrophe Catastrophes, where I found today's image.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

More Like a Hand Job Than the Hand Jive

The other day I saw this commercial for the Shake Weight. You may have already seen the commercial. It's for a weighted exercise device that you shake up and down with your hands, and it's supposed to build your arm muscles.

I could point out the obvious here, but I won't.

Much thanks to my friend, Chris Gonzalez, for alerting me to a commercial you--or a loved one--can really grab onto.

Turning Desert Leaves

Here's a banner I found on online. It's curious that a realty company called "Desert Dwellers" features colorful fall foliage in their promotional images.

That Gary Chen...can he work wonders in real estate!

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Year's "Cutting" Edge

For those who like multiple levels of idiocy, this Gallery entry is for you. First we have the obvious misuse of quotation marks, a perfect image for the Don't "Quote" Me on That special section. Then there's the whole questionable relationship between knives and the new year.

What the hell does this sign mean? Is there a message on lower frequencies that I'm not hearing? Should I be scared?

Thanks to the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotes for providing this image.

Discharging the New Year

HAPPY NEW YeAR from the Gallery of the Absurd!

Nothings says "celebrate" like a flaming pellet coming out of a hen's ass.

Here's hoping that your 2010 is chock-full of poultry-related fun...and of course, under close adult supervision.

Changing LINKS