Bear Ass

I'm not a big fan of the Charmin Bear commercials--there's something about the combination of animation and wiping your butt that strikes me as just plain wrong--but the most recent commercial seems to crank it up a notch:

Do we really need a visual warning against dingleberries?

Mr. Happy's Hat

Here's another memento from my drive across Missouri last week. I found this in a rest stop bathroom:

What really bothers me about this image isn't the contraceptive on Mr. Happy's head, but the way his tongue is hanging out.

For more fun from my drive through Missouri, be sure to check out Moose Drool, Porky's Bar-B-Que, and the Cheese Outlet.

Worstway Ford

A stupid commercial from Westway Ford in Irving, TX:

I know they're going for the geeky Web nerd thing, but they have crossed the threshold and entered the Disturbing Realm.

Making Creepy

Here's a rather creepy advertisement I recently found on the Web:

Family planning has never been so wacky!

Cheese Outlet

Another sign from my recent drive through Missouri:

Cheese Outlet. 'Nuff said.

Pork'in at Porky's

This weekend I was traveling through Missouri, and in the small town of Mexico I found this sign:

It's weird enough that a pig is shown sitting down to eat a plate of barbecue, a blatant case of Sus scrofa domesticus cannibalism. But the fact that the sign maker didn't know where to put the apostrophe in "cookin'"....well, that's just plain absurd.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 4/26/10

After a fun-filled weekend, you drag yourself back to the office, all mopey and dreading Monday morning. What better time than now for

The Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

This week's entry is jam packed with annoying goodness.

The model on the far right is standing so stiff that it seems as if she's got rebar shoved up inside of her. And what's the deal with the one in the middle?

I'm not sure if she's laughing or incredibly pained.

Mommas, don't let your babies grow up to be J. Crew models.

Another entry for the Don't "Quote" Me on That special section of the Gallery:

I guess the meatballs aren't really little and the subs aren't that great.

By the way, what is that thing sticking out of the meatball sub on the sign? A wind gauge?

Racist Toothpaste

Racism and dental care...two tastes that go great together!

Much thanks to the blog Sinosplice, where I found this tidbit of Sino-joy.

Flathead Meat

I've been flying a lot lately, and part of the air travel experience has been flipping through the in-flight magazine. Invariably, and regardless of the airline, I always find this advertisement in the publication:

I don't know about you, but I've always found this guy's head disturbingly flat.

Stuffee

This is the mascot of the Northeast Texas Children's Museum, Stuffee, it's image painted on the side of a trailer:

What a wonderful image to begin a Wednesday morning.

Identity Crisis Lunch

I was in Scranton, PA, the other week, and while there I found this restaurant:

So what kind of lunch is this? Coney Island- or Texas-inspired? Make up your mind, won't you?!

Moose Spit

On the road yesterday, I stopped for gas somewhere in Missouri, and there I found on the side of a wall an advertisement for Moose Drool Brown Ale:

Nothing like spit from the Alces alces to get me hankering for a brewski!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 4/19/10

Your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of April 19th:

Perching on a fence.

For those who believe that models are birdbrains, here's definitive proof.

Was Not "Was"

For your Sunday morning enjoyment, another stupid Web ad:

I know there are a lot of advertisers out there who don't know how to use quotations appropriately, but when it comes to qualifying the past tense, I really begin to wonder.

Freaked Out Baby

Sometimes, just strolling down the aisles of a grocery story, you find weird things without even looking hard. Yesterday I discovered the "color-coded" Life cereal boxes, and on this same trip to the store I found this package of Pampers:

Some might call the expression on this baby's face "cute." I call it the look of clown-inspired fear.

Life Colors

I was in the grocery store this morning and saw these two boxes side by side:

Why does the maple and brown sugar box feature African American children, while the lighter-toned cinnamon box have white kids? Is Quaker trying to segregate our breakfast cereals?

Baby Talk

To go along with today's ad of the creepy kid, I thought I'd share with you a Kia commercial that has been running in the NE Texas area. Talk about creepy:

I really dislike those commercials that animate the mouths of babies, dogs, and other such creatures. But when the animation is done as poorly and lamely as this, it just becomes downright painful to watch.

Winter Wedgie

Here's another bit of knitted goodness brought to you by the Mary Maxim catalog:

The scarves are okay, I guess, but there's something about this boy's expression that has me wondering.

Forced excitement? Affected cuteness? A painful wedgie?

Touch Me, Touch My Socks

A week and a half ago I posted a photo of a dumb-looking American Apparel billboard. Here's another advertisement from the company, one that is a little more suggestive:

The ad says Lauren loves her socks. From the look of the three images on the bottom right, I'm sure that her socks aren't the only things this porn star likes touching.

A Quotation "Record"

Here's something that Gallery watcher, John Bird, sent me. He saw this while on vacation in Maui last month.

This has to be a record, or close to one, for the number of questionable quotations in one sign.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 4/12/10

Go call the kids! Run and wake up Granny! It's time for this week's Annoying J. Crew Model!

Here's one from an older catalog, proving that annoyance doesn't dissipate with age.

I'm not exactly sure what they're doing, but it looks like some half-witted combination between the Safety Dance and the Macarena. Whatever it is, it's making them very happy.

School for Scoundrels

Here's another in an ongoing series of disjunctive ads that have appeared on Facebook.

Does this guy look like he's going back to school for a degree?

Looks more like he's stiffing a turd.

For more suspect Facebook ads, check out constipation nation, Bin Laden insurance, pigman, and man-child.

Tough "Sell"

With the housing market the way it is right now, it's good to know that some are being forthright on the prospects of actually selling your house.

Check out more quotation wackiness in the Don't "Quote" Me on That special section.

Butt Paste

I present to you, Butt Paste!

I know, I know...this is a legitimate product that provides much needed relief for both infants and parents alike. Still, don't you think they could have come up with another name for this product that doesn't combine the words "butt" and "paste"?

Even weirder is this free sample offer. Imagine going up to your loved one and saying, "I want some free Butt Paste."

Cute Crap

Gallery fan Janine Chiappa McKenna has come across another nougaty bit of pop cultural goodness, this time in the form of tummy-churning cuteness. It's from the Ashton-Drake Galleries, the same folks who brought you Heavenly Handfuls, M&M Miniatures, Little Devil, and Claire.

As Janine wrote when she sent this to me, I'm not sure which is more disturbing: the fact that some people like this or the fact that they are willing to spend $30 for it.

Ass Goiter

I'm still trying to get over the Shake Weight commercial, and what do I see on TV? Something called Booty Pop:

It looks like these women have a goiter problem...in their ass.

But don't worry. The annoyance doesn't stop here. Check out the "Men's Padded Briefs"...as seen on TV!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 4/5/10

Your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of April 5th.

I've got just one word for this:

Dork.

Grandpa Sol's Second Helping

And let's not forget Pesach!

Here is one of the first entries of the original Gallery of the Absurd, and one that I first put up on this blog about two years ago. Consider this your "second helping." I think it's rather appropriate for this holiday season.

I've never been able to tell if that hand on the right side of the package label is actually his, or if it's his caretaker feeding him. From the demented look on his face, I would guess the latter.

He Has Risen...for This?!

Easter brings with it sugar-filled joys in pastel colors, generously salted pork products, and enough dyed and decorated cholesterol delivery pods to put us into a artery-clogging stupor. And now, thanks to some sick mo-fos on Facebook, Easter will now conjure in our heads this disturbing image:

For some reason, I feel the need to gouge my eyes out with a blunt kitchen utensil.

Pull Baby Pull

American Apparel is known for its controversial advertisements. There was the Woody Allen lawsuit from last year, and there are the many risqué billboards they've produced. Here's one right off of Highway 75 in Dallas, and I shot the picture from my car (which is why it's somewhat blurred). This sign is rather innocuous, at least when compared to the suggestiveness of other American Apparel ads. Still, it's really, really stupid.

Why is this woman pulling her hair in this manner? Maybe she is a J. Crew "head shot" model wannabe.

Butter Face

Another bit of pop cultural buttery goodness brought to you by the Gallery and its South Dakota representative, Nick Zachariasen.

As you sit down for that holiday dinner, make sure you have enough Parkay at the table.

You wouldn't want to disappoint a face like this...

...would you?

Fooling Around with Kids

Today is April Fools Day, and what better way to celebrate than with another clown image. This one is from the Website of Happy Clown Daycare:

Would you leave your kids with this clown?

For more fools, April-inspired or otherwise, be sure to check out the other entries in the "Clowns Are Scary" special section of the Gallery.