Sprayed Behind

You've heard of the Left Behind books. Now comes the follow-up to that groundbreaking Christian book series, Sprayed Behind:

This advertisement recently came up on the Gallery (look to your right) and it got me to wondering why I decided to put up these ads. The image of the smiling people really creeps me out.

Print 'n Press for Creepiness

Here's an iron-on photo transfer kit I found in a craft sections of a store:

It looks innocent enough...

...but there's something about the little girl's expression that gives me the creeps.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 8/30/10

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of August 30th:

Damn, dude...quit looking smug and put on some socks, will ya?!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 8/23/10

I present to you, your Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

I'm not sure what this one is doing, but the skewed angle of the lettering suggests this is one wacky chick!

Breathe Deep

Sit back and light up, it's time for this week's

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Ah, innocent--and toasted--times!

Thanks again to Dave Carvell and his keen eye for kitsch.

Camden Clown

What better Gallery entry for a Friday than one with a clown?!

When in Huntington, WV, be sure to visit Camden Park, home of the happy clown sign:

His face just oozes joy.

And with this image in mind, have a happy weekend!

Creapy Coffee

Here's a Japanese coffee creamer product I featured in the original Gallery of the Absurd:

A clear case that not only do certain things get lost in translation, but they are created as well.

Hardee Hole

Here is a commercial from Hardee's on their new "hole" or "ball" product. This is so whacked-out that it just can't be real. But from what I have found, it's all too real. I'm scared.

Thanks to Sarah Gibson for alerting me to this ad for goody balls, sugar nuts, melting holes, dingle balls...or whatever the hell they're called.

Verizon Headache

Here's the front of a flyer I received in the mail last week. What's so weird about this advertisement is its composition.

I know that the concentric circles emanating from around her head is supposed to suggest something about good signals. But the way she's holding herself, it looks like Verizon is giving her a big headache. Who comes up with these images?

Thou Shalt Not...

Friend and Gallery fan, John Bird, found this at a construction site in San Francisco:

When construction dudes begin using rhetoric reminiscent of biblical injunctions, watch out!

Gas City Go Boom

Friends of mine were on the road over the weekend and came across this sight:

Much thanks to Deb Mix and Tim Berg for their keen sense of gas-related juxtaposition.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 8/16/10

Your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of August 16th:

What the hell does she have in that bag? From the sagging way she's posed, it looks like a small anvil. I know the weak and emaciated look is what sells, but this is ridiculous.

Booty Call

There are just so many things wrong about this commercial. I don't know where to begin. Maybe the most notable is the irony that, instead of making asses of themselves as many merchandisers do, Old Navy is selling to ours.

As the ad says, "Look away from the booty!"

Angry Onions

Peeling off the skins of smelly advertising goodness, it's time for this week's

RETRO-ADTIVITY

A Tums magazine advertisement from 1935. Nothing says fun like Allium cepa staring angrily at men with bulb-like heads:

Remember, Tums are not a laxative!

Thanks again to our pal Al, who found this in an old copy of Popular Science.

Happy Weekend

My friend, Al Wirtes, found this on a trip to Nederland, Colorado:

You'll find this ride between the bumper cars of ennui and the tilt-a-whirl of despair.

Ronald and Your Hole

This week I've been featuring several signs on the Gallery, so perhaps I should continue the trend. This one is a McDonald's billboard from a little ways back:

There's something about pairing the words "McDonald's" and "hole" that really disturbs me.

What's Happening?

Another contribution from our South Dakota correspondent, Nick Zachariasen:

With a festive sign such as this, I'm truly convinced that Gregory, SD, is the happening place!

Truth in Signage

Sign of a Chubby's Family Restaurant in Dallas, TX.

A look at their menu suggests that this isn't the healthiest place to eat. I guess you can't fault them, then, on the name of the restaurant. Just try not to think of the state's rising obesity rate as you enjoy your meal.

Just Say No to Dog Lake

Gallery fan Will Shaw sent this in. It's a trailhead sign he saw at Yosemite National Park.

This must drive dogs mad.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 8/9/10

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of August 9th:

This one's a blast from the past, something I featured in the "Annoying J. Crew Model" section of the original Gallery of the Absurd back in the late 1990s.

It's reassuring to know that some (stupid) things don't change. It's over 13 years later and I still don't know what these guys are doing.

Patriotic Paranoia

Here's another one of those annoying ads that pop up on Facebook. This one is for the conservative activist organization, American Majority.

Notice the angry Uncle Sam and the "take back America" slogan. Why is Uncle Sam so pissed off and rolling up his sleeves? Take America back from what? Has there been an invasion? Should I look outside for mysterious looking pods? Has the spirit of Joe McCarthy infiltrated the Web? Why, in doing a Google search with on "American Majority" does the vast Internet Majority of hits bring up websites with hateful and hyperbolic rhetoric?

Like father, like son. Think about it, won't you?

Beans 'n' Clowns

Get out the Beano. It's time for this week's

RETRO-ADTIVITY

A Van Camp's ad from 1947.

Clowns and pork 'n' beans. A lethal combination.

Clowning with Cuisine

If you're in Philly this weekend and are looking for a place to eat, consider Pete's Clown House Restaurant.

Let's take a closer look at the sign's graphics, shall we?

Pete's Clown House. Where fear and trembling are just part of the menu.

What Color Is Your Couch?

Last week I received through the mail a flyer from Aaron's furniture and appliance store. Here are a couple of images from the furniture section:

What gets me is their choice of composition. While the white woman is shown with a living room set that has a fairly plain pattern, the African American is placed among zebra-striped furniture...as if she's visiting the love nest of Barry White.

In this season of race baiting and immigration hysteria, it's important to notice how we frame our images of "the other" in advertising, tongue-in-cheek or otherwise. Whether it be on the furniture we sit on or the cereal we eat.

In the words of Big Head, can't we all just get along?

Assman Implement

A business along highway 18 near Mission, SD:

I'll let the sign speak for itself.

Much thanks to our man in South Dakota, Nick Zachariasen, who has once again come through (although, given the nature of this entry, that's a poor choice of phrasing).

Mo Ho

While on vacation last week, Gallery fan John Bird came across this sign at the Thunderbird Restaurant near Utah's Zion National Park. According to John, the owner of the restaurant didn't realize until recently that "ho" might refer to something other than "home."

Unbeknownst to John, I had featured another sign from this same restaurant a couple of years ago. (Actually, I like his contribution better.) I guess great minds think alike.

Crotch Grant

I found this advertisement on Yahoo, but you can see them all over the Web. It's one of the many "You May Qualify for a School Loan" ads that are out there right now.

Why did they place the "Select Your Age" scroll bar over her crotch area? Is this some sort of coded message? What what exactly is the nature of this "grant"?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 8/2/10

Welcome to August! It's time for this month's first Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

The look and pose of this model are insipid enough. But the words in the ad are even more irritating. It's one thing to make new clothing look "vintage." It's something else entirely to sell pants that are close to shreds.

Perhaps the jeans are something in their new Hobo line of clothing.