Saturday, December 31, 2011

Jim Henson's Cellophane Babies

Wrap up your troubles in a see-through bag, 'cause it's time for this weekend's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Ah....things were so much simpler back then. People smoked openly, racial segregation was the norm, women stayed in the home, and little kids could be wrapped in plastic and put out of sight with no legal or moral repercussions.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Safe Sex for the Mentally Challenged

This image was on the Village Voice's blog, but it's well worth presenting it here on the Gallery. It's an advertisement for Durex condoms that ran in India:

I know that a large part of the responsibility of putting on the condom rests with the man. But don't you think that the woman should know whether or not he actually used it? If she's so clueless (AKA, stupid), then maybe she shouldn't be in a situation that would even remotely lead to breeding.

Or maybe this woman found an empty condom wrapper in her apartment and is wondering if her lover/husband used it with someone else?

Or maybe she's brain damaged and just likes standing in front of empty packages.

Or maybe she's just mesmerized by anything related to contraception.

Any of these possibilities would make sense...wouldn't they?

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Incongruous Hiring Practices

Here's a hiring display from a McDonald's in North Platte, NE:

I'm not really sure what to make of this display. It includes "Now Hiring" standing cards in an aquarium, along with various shells, set on a blue cloth that is obviously supposed to suggest the ocean. But why the beach motif? There's nothing at all in the restaurant that even remotely suggests anything oceanic. And this is in Nebraska, after all. What's more, this display looks like it was thrown together at the last minute, rather haphazardly.

Yeah...this really invites career opportunities.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Diva Scrooge



Damn, I'm sorry I missed this gospel adaptation of the Dickens classic, especially as it's represented in such a high quality commercial. It would have made my holidays all that more mesmerizing, surrealistic, and painful.

The Lonely Drawing Boy

The other week, while I was in Walmart at the height of the holiday shopping season, I came across this in the toy aisles:

What struck me about this box is how pathetically lonely the little boy looks.

I get depressed just looking at this image.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Aborted Xmas

The Island of Misfit Toys taken to a whole new level:

Think about this advertisement for a moment. Toys that play with kids? Children who never were being missed by inanimate objects that will surely be enjoyed by real children from families less fortunate that most people reading this ad? There's a big-ass creepiness factor going on here, and we have the kind folks at the Niagara Region Right to Life organization to thank for that.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/26/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of December 26th:


Apparently, Teddy didn't get any socks as a holiday gift.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Being Naughty and Nice

Happy Holidays

from the Gallery of the Absurd


Here's hoping that everybody got something good in their stockings this year.

Happy Hanukkah

The Gallery of the Absurd wishes everyone a

Happy Hanukkah!



Saturday, December 24, 2011

Making Your Yuletide Gay

Hold on to your butts, it's time for a second dose of this weekend's holiday

RETRO-ADTIVITY

I could comment on this advertisement for men's pajamas, but I'll just let that little Freud in you do the talking.

A Charbroiled Christmas

Deck the halls and run like hell...it's time for the 2011 Christmas weekend edition of

RETRO-ADTIVITY


If "someone you love" gives you a gift such as this, you have every right to kick them in their jingle bells.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Krazy Kommercial Kristmas

This Walmart commercial has been bombarding the airwaves this holiday season:

God, this makes me want to hate Christmas.

Have a Cup of Christmas Fear

I was in an Office Max recently and saw this banner:
There's no doubt about it: this face shows the true, true horrors of the holiday season.


God help us, everyone.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Slasher Christmas

Today's Gallery entry is provided by our Colorado connection, Al Wirtes:


Ah...nothings says "Peace on Earth" than a good slasher flick.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/19/11

In the J. Crew tradition of shamelessly exploiting the "cuteness" of children to sell their overrated product, I bring to you the

Annoying J. Crew Model of
Christmas Week!



God bless our overpriced clothing, everyone!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/12/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of December 12th:


J. Crew, asking you to remember that this holiday season, there's no such thing as too thin!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Hair Care Scare

Praise the Lord! This weekend we have a second dose of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Here's an old German hair-care advertisement from the good people at Rowenta:


Much thanks to Mitch O'Connell, who provided today's entry. Be sure to check out his blog, which is filled will weird, off-beat images. You won't be disappointed.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Banging Santa

Make your holiday go off with a BANG by checking out this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Nothings says "Peace on earth, good will toward men" more than a Colt pistol:
I wonder if this ad ever ran in any Virginia publications?

Friday, December 9, 2011

A Bra-lly Christmas

After yesterday's titillating Gallery entry, it's only appropriate that we follow up with an advertisement of equal measurement and proportion, this one from the online company FreshPair:

I guess it's not only stockings that Santa will be stuffing.

Bra bless us, everyone!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Boob Loan

Money and breasts...two tastes that go great together on the Internet! Here's an ad I recently found online:

By this point, wouldn't you think Internet marketing folk would be a little more subtle? No...I guess not.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Trying to Score with FreeScore

Here's a FreeScore.com commercial that has been saturating the airwaves. This is ridiculous, and disturbing, for a number of reasons.
First, the commercial suggests that there's something immediate you can do about your credit scores, which is highly misleading. Second, the electronic salesman with the big poofy hair sort of creeps me out. And finally, the whole big-screen television shopping act seems more like a facade for some weird pickup scene. Note the way the salesman and customer interact and look at each other, and the fact that there are buff men in tight-fitting clothing standing behind them.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Santa and the Ladies

I found this sign in the women's section in our local Walmart:

Just look at that expression on Santa's face. You just know he's got certain "special" sleepwear on his mind.


Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Steaks Are So Funny

Here's the message board from a steak buffet here in Kearney, NE:

I'm not sure the person who put up this sign understands the whole concept behind that thing called "a joke."

Monday, December 5, 2011

Santa...After Dark

Much thanks to Gallery special agent, Nick Zachariasen, who found this sign at a Christmas event held in the Vermillion, SD, Public Library:

The erotic possibilities are endless!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/5/11

Bundle up, it's time for the Annoying J. Crew Model of the week!

Here's another image from the J. Crew holiday catalog:

Why is this dork outside in the snow, hauling a tree, in just a simple layer of pants and a sports jacket? I guess this is the kind of mental caliber you find in a J. Crew model.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

And We Thought the Catholic Church Had Problems

I'll let this album cover speak for itself.

Be sure to check out other freaky album covers at Steve Carter's "The Worst Album Covers Ever Created?" web page. And a big thanks to Lauren Weinstein for her Facebook posting, which introduced me to this cringe-inducing site.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Frozen Fear

Scoop it out and let it melt in your mouth, it's time for this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Before we plunge ourselves too far into the holiday season, let's have another clown-induced dose of fear and trembling in the form of an old Twin Pines ice cream box:


The horror...the horror...

Friday, December 2, 2011

Spudman

I learned just the other day that there's such a thing as a magazine called Spudman. It's a trade publication for potato farmers. These farmers are a wonderful breed, I'm sure, and I mean them no ridicule. But there's just something funny about the word "spudman," and something even funnier about the fact that there's a magazine titled this.

I wonder what would happen if the Spudmen ever met the Spud Boys?


Are we not men?

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Happy Happy Christmas

It's the Christmas season, and everyone is happy...right? At least that's the case with this freaky-looking mascot for mySimon.com:
Just look at him.

Doesn't he just exude holiday cheer?

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Holiday Chuckles

This large banner is still being displayed at the Stage Coach Gift Shop here in Kearney, NE:

I get how they're going for the whole scary clown thing. A good chunk of the Gallery is built upon this premise. But this is an sign for Halloween, and we're into the Christmas season. Isn't there someone at the store who checks out the parking lot on a regular basis?

Besides, I never thought of a frontier-based gift shop as a place where one would find anything like a "Halloween Headquarters."

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Bonobos Bimbo

Over the weekend I found this advertisement on some website (can't remember which one):

What is this guy doing? Is he being hit with a bullet on his left shoulder? What's with the dipshit look on his face? Did he swallow something sour? "Betterfit"...looks like this dude is having some sort of fit.

Is Bonobos trying to compete with J. Crew when it comes to the annoying factor?

Monday, November 28, 2011

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 11/28/11

It's time for the Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of November 28th!

I've noted before on the Gallery how shameless J. Crew is when it comes to exploiting the "cuteness" of children to sell clothes. This holiday season is no different:

Just take a close look at the Santa-boy:

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if we should feel sorry for this kid or if he just deserves to be slapped upside the head.

J. Crew, helping you to hate the holidays since 1983.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Still More Black Friday Crap

As we're coming out the other side of the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, here is yet another annoying Target Black Friday commercial, this one from last year:
I'm sure Maria Bamford is a smart cookie. But does she really want to bank her future career on continuing to be the psychotic Target Lady, hawking the message that the holidays are all about obsessively crazy shopping? It would be different if there was a modicum of tangible irony here, but given Target's larger mission, that particular undercurrent seems lost.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Smoked Turkey

Light up those Thanksgiving leftovers, it's time for this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Last week I featured an old Lucky Strikes advertisement that combined Thanksgiving and smoking...which, I guess, in the 1950s, were two tastes that go great together. But the good people at Camel were apparently also on the same page:
And remember, it's all for the peaceful feeling that comes from good digestion.

Friday, November 25, 2011

More Black Friday Pablum

One in an apparently endless and mind-numbing series of annoying holiday commercials brought to you by the people at Target.
So what's the message here: hackneyed, sleazy pop singers in slutty nurse uniforms are supposed to make us go out and shop on Black Friday?

Does anything about this commercial make any kind of sense in terms of the holidays?

Black Friday Stripper

Joy. It's the day after Thanksgiving, what all the marketing, merchandising, and media folk like to dub "Black Friday," a name of questionable implications and designed to stick in your head and make you feel you have to go out and spend money.

Here's a Nine West ad from last year:

So what is the message here? That buying shoes is more important than putting food on your table? That the holiday season is all about sex and spending money? That what's behind door number three is a fashion miasma with no other purpose than to consume your attention? That what is really important are parts of a woman, not the whole person? That cheap-looking bras Photoshopped on an ad will bring in more customers?

Is it any wonder so many people get depressed during the holiday season?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

HAPPY THANKSGIVING
from the Gallery of the Absurd!


Your place for weird-looking things 'n' stuff!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Giving Thanks to Hip Hop

Thanksgiving is almost upon us, and along with it, the usual batch of stupid holiday crap.

Here's an advertisement from last year:

Because nothing says "Thanksgiving" more than Ludacris and Big Boi.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Boldly Becoming a Senior

Last month I was in Bethlehem, PA, and there I found this poster outside of the local Social Security office:

Okay, George Takei, I understand. But Patty Duke in a Starfleet uniform? What's up with that?

You know...even the George Takei part is just plain embarrassing.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 11/21/11

In all of it's gut-wrenching glory, it's time for the
Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

What is it about this image that just annoys the hell out of me?

Can you have me figure it out?

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Funny Colon

I'm sure many of you have seen those commercials for Phillip's Colon Health with the "Colon Lady." Here's one of the latest manifestations of this marketing campaign:
What's so weird about this commercial isn't so much the fact that a woman is talking about colon medication at a wedding--strange enough as that might be--as it is the shots of the middle-aged woman sitting at the table, nodding her head, and smiling as she listens along.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Nicotine Stuffing

We're about to enter the holiday season, so smoke 'em if you got 'em, because it's time for this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Nothing says "Thanksgiving" like a pack of cigs.

Wonder what this woman uses in the stuffing?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Safety, Ronald, and You

I saw this sign outside of a McDonald's in North Platte, Nebraska:


As with many things relating to McD's, there's something about this image that makes me uncomfortable, but I'm not entirely certain what it is. Is it Ronald's face? The slogan that we should "make it click" with him? The big iconic "M" that is about where Ronald's groin area would be? The fact that safety is being associated with a clown?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Wrestling the Clown in You

Friend of the Gallery, Al Wirtes, sent in this ad for an event at the Broomfield Auditorium:


I understand that this is supposed to be a Lucha libre, but to me he looks more like a clown...a clown riding a weird piƱata-looking thing.

Bet that LEGO-themed music was awesome!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 11/14/11

The Gallery of the Absurd has been on a hiatus for the past month. But now that the holiday season is upon us--and all the weirdness the holidays bring--it's time to get back into the swing of things. So let's get things going again with the Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of November 14th, shall we?

This week's Annoying J. Crew Model is...well, the whole crew. This is the cover of the latest J. Crew catalog:

All of those clean-cut smiling white-bread faces (no color in the group at all). What an annoying way to begin the holidays...and from the Italian Alps, no less. Not part of the 99%, I assume.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Squirrelly Fun

Something squirrelly is going on around here. It must be this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

I think I've found my new career:

Yes sir, out of a real squirrel!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Whitney Sucks

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm pretty damned tired of NBC fobbing their latest "hit" off as something I should pay attention to. I've seen parts of this new show Whitney, and all I can say is that it really, really sucks. Not funny, not worth seeing, and just generally, a major league failure. Even my Netflix shipments has crap trying to play up the glory of Whitney:


Did I say that all of this Whitney crap really, really sucks?

Half of all Netflix accounts ends with...cancelation!


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Shanghai Bound

Jeez....Asian women and bondage references. What kind of wet dream was the marketing folk having with this?

Monday, October 3, 2011

Cool Dude

I often pass this van while while on one of my jogging routes around town:
I'm mesmerized by this plucky image of the cool Eskimo dude:


Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 10/3/11

Welcome to October! Here's the month's first Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week:


Come on, dude. Quit trying to look "hip" and put on some damn socks! I'm sure that foot sweat ain't helping ya any.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Clown Corn

Just poppin' with yummy buttery goodness, it's time for this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Mmmmmmmmmm. Nothing sparks my appetite like seeing a clown with this ass shoved in a mound of popcorn.

Changing LINKS