Thursday, March 31, 2011

Slobber Chef

Here's a sign advertising the Panda Chinese Restaurant in Commerce, TX:
There's something freaky about the chef's face on this sign. His tongue is hanging way out, and apparently he's slobbering a lot.

Would you want this guy to prepare your dinner?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Party Poop

This has to be the funniest marketing ploy I've seen in a long time. A magazine for tea baggers?! An expectation that the intended audience actually reads and is not intimidated by words?! Stop, side hurts.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Nerf Toys...bringing joy to our kids, one homicidal fantasy at a time.

Much thanks to the Gallery's very own hatchet man, Al Wirtes.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Tastic Prone

A wine shop in Dallas, TX:

I've always hated products that use fragments such as "tastic," "tacular," or "bulous" in their titles. Seems like a lazy of creating a catchy name...or making it catchy for all the wrong reasons.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 3/28/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of March 28th:

J. Crew, where staring at a strand of your own hair is considered deep thinking.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Carny Bonding

The feel of the sawdust underneath your feet, the endless sounds of barkers, the smell of greasepaint, an uncomfortable feeling in your pants, and an unshakeable sense that your life is in danger...that must mean it's time for this week's


Ah, there's nothing like carny bonding.

Friday, March 25, 2011

"Country" Feeling

I found this at an area Bed, Bath, and Beyond:

Parts so major, the truth cannot be revealed.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Foxy Fascism

I guess this sign for a Sioux City Fox affiliate tells us something about the true conservative agenda.

Much thanks, once again, to Nick Zachariasen, for providing this insightful glimpse into sordid, psychotic world of Glenn Beck, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Greta Van Susteren, Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade, and Gretchen Carlson. Ja Wohl!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 3/21/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of March 21st:

Is it me, or does this guy look like he's fallen on his head one too many times?

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Penny(wise)'s Dolls

Smell that? That's fear and trembling in the air. That must mean it's time for this week's


Here's a vintage advertisement I found on a toy-related website:

Did you ever wonder where Spielberg got the idea for that creepy clown in Poltergeist?

Friday, March 18, 2011

Tasty Clown Corn

More fun from John's excellent adventure in the Chinese market!

There's something about the words "clown" and "corn snack" that just don't go together. Especially with a mascot like this.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Freaky Mascot

Following up from yesterday's mise en abyme phallic fish sauce label, here's another image from John's excellent adventure in the Chinese market:

There's something about this product's mascot that's just not right.

So many facets of freakiness. Can you name them all?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Fish Sauce Phallus

Devoted Gallery fan, John Bird, was recently visiting a Chinese grocery in northern Virginia, and there he found a curious brand of fish sauce:
I can't help but wonder about the composition of this label and why the kid is holding the bottle at such an angle.

Stay tuned for more wackiness from John's trip to the grocery!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Run-on Advertising

The sign of the Pronto Express Cigarette Outlet, at the I-29 junction in North Sioux City, SD:

The risks of ignoring punctuation. Next time you ask yourself, "Where can I best be locally owned?", remember the Pronto Express!

Thanks again to Nick Zachariasen in his ongoing attempts to make sense of South Dakota.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Fast-Food Jesus

I had a layover at the Newark Liberty International Airport this past weekend, and there I found this image of Ronald McDonald:
Outside of the real goofy look on the clown's face, what struck me about this sign was the position of his hands. He's either being mugged or he's indicating a touchdown. If the latter, then perhaps this is an allusion to Notre Dame's famous Touchdown Jesus:

Jesus...the burger clown... Think about it, won't you?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 3/14/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of March 14th:

In the great tradition of J. Crew raised-leg posturing, here's one who's apparently dancing a jig.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Healthier Bygone Days

Loosen your belt and enjoy a heaping plate of this week's


An advertisement for a women's weight gain program:
Oh, how the times have changed!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Monty Love

Here is a bottle of liquid plant food I found at my mother-in-law's house. What caught my eye was the product's mascot, Monty:
Monty is a friendly, happy man.
Let him into your heart, won't you?

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Finding Grammar

Something from one of Old Navy's web pages:

Old Navy - taking over the world one retail store, and one inappropriate use of an apostrophe, at a time.

What do you expect from the people who gave us this commercial?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Good Crap

Food connoisseur Tom Warlick found this item in a Washington, D.C. grocery story:

Mmmmmmmmm. That's good eatin'!

A big Gallery thanks to Tom and to his mischievous cohort, John Bird, for sending along this tasty image.

Monday, March 7, 2011

You and Your's

Once again, Gallery stalwart Nick Zachariasen has come through. He found this curious use of the possessive case in an Ace Hardware store in Vermillion, SD:

I hope no one in that family is an English teacher.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 3/7/11

Your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of March 7th:

Spring is almost upon us, and along with the season comes vapid looks of feigned contemplation.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Larry Fine, Jolly Clown

Filled with the kind of creepiness that is the stuff of childhood memories, here is this week's installment of


Since yesterday's Gallery entry was a sign from the Clown Motel, I thought it only appropriate that this weekend's Retro-Adtivity image reflect a similar topic:

Here is a photo taken in the 1960s, the sign of the Jolly House Motel & Resort in the Catskills, New York.

"Jolly" isn't the word that immediately comes to mind looking at this sign.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Clowns Check In, but They Don't Check Out

If you're in beautiful Tonopah, NV this weekend, be sure to stay at the Clown Motel:
A veritable wonderland of magic and whimsy, where all of your dreams can come true...
...or at least your nightmares.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Phortune Phun

We were at a Chinese restaurant the other day, and this was the image on the fortune cookie package:

What struck me immediately was the fact that this was in elaborate color, which I usually don't see. I thought, "cool!" Then I took a closer look, and all kinds of questions entered my head. What is the guy leaning on? Is that a giant pear? What about the fingers on his right hand? Were the middle three amputated for some reason? And what the hell is that thing on top of his head? It looks like a cross between a rat and a rooster, and somehow he's fitted it onto his noggin.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Happy Birthday to You

Nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a horrifying clown sign. At least that's the message from the Lexington, SC company, Signs of Happiness. Here's a picture they feature on their website:
Accompanying this image is the following: "Surprise your loved one with a large Clown sign in their yard the morning of their birthday!"

If I were greeted with this image the morning of my birthday, I'd have to run back inside the house to clean my britches.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Friends, Don't Let Friends Drive Stupid

Normally on the Gallery of the Absurd, I try to stick to the site's original dedication to contemporary advertisements, signs, and labels that usually have something to do with marketing. Today, however, I'll expand my definition of "advertisement" or "sign" to include window stickers on vehicles. This morning in the drive-thru line of a Starbucks, I found myself stuck behind some conservative yahoo in a gas guzzler with annoying stickers on her back window.

The sticker on the right stated that this person didn't believe the liberal media. Wow, I guess all of those corporate bigwigs who actually own the major media outlets will be disappointed to hear they've lost this customer.

Even more enlightening is the blue sticker toward the left, which states the following: "Hungry? Out of work? Eat your hope and change." This must be a caring and loving individual. I bet she's a true Christian, too.

Then there was the sticker on the top left. It said something about how the Bill of Rights was never passed by Congress. I guess that Wikipedia is indeed a valuable resource for many people.

What made all of this even more infuriating for me is the fact that this person drove up to the cashier's window and remained there for about 5 minutes. She was talking about something with the employee. Maybe they were reminiscing about Timothy McVeigh.

Changing LINKS