Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/31/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of January 31st:

If you're going to display the casual look, at least make sure your damn tie isn't twisted up.

Wiping Away the Routine

Here is a recent Cottonelle commercial. It uses the context of the middle-aged couple stuck in the "routine" and wanting to add some "excitement" back into their lives (notice the bed in the background). But what might at first appear to be a lead up to the couple's sex life actually turns into a ad for toilet paper:

So here is the message: wiping your ass with quality toilet paper leads to a thrilling life...and to cheesy 1970s wardrobe.

Second Amendment Remedies...Kid Style!

Let's take back our country with this week's

RETRO-ADTIVITY

No damned Obamafied liberals are going to take away our god-given Second Amendment rights to market authentic-looking automatic weapons to our kids. Not until you pry our cold, dead fingers from our bank accounts.

You can tell it's Mattel, it's swell!

Clown Car

This morning, I was wondering what to put up today on the Gallery, remembering that last Friday I featured a clown sign. Then, lo and behold, in the form of Lolli and Lulu, the answer to my quandary appeared right in front of me:

Never underestimate the scary power of clowns.

In "His" Name

Wow, both praising and questioning the divinity in the same sentence. Bold!

Thanks once again to that dynamic duo, Al Wirtes and Kathy Deasy Wirtes, who found this sign back in the late 1990s in the Chicagoland area.

Oh, Baby Baby

I saw this in a toy store over the holidays. It seems innocent enough, but there's something unsettling about the packaging of this doll.

A big part of this is the toy's name, "Baby All Gone." Sounds weirdly suspect, like she's a victim in some abduction.

And up close, the face is rather disturbing. The mouth, in particular, gives me pause. Maybe it's just me.

Then there are all of the messages on the box. "Try me!" "Feed me!" "Press my bracelet!" "I talk!" Jeez...this is a demanding, high-maintenance mo-fo. I would think all of these imperatives would put off consumers. Who needs something this needy?

And then there is the questionable use of quotation marks. I'd rather my doll be more grammatically savvy.

Butt Aid

I know that this product can be very useful, but I'm just struck by the merchant's choice of packaging, product naming, and imagery (notice the tushy "B"):

"Relief for the un-happy butt!" So many possibilities....

A big rash-free thanks to Gallery eagle-eye, John Bird, and his trusty sidekick, Tom Warlick, for alerting me to this bemusing product.

Refinance Freak Revisited

But wait, there's more! Still another in what is becoming an endless (and painful) series of incongruous Facebook advertisements:

This LendGo ad has me even more perplexed than the one I posted earlier this month. It's got a weird Planet of the Apes, Moulin Rouge vibe.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/24/11

Shout for joy, it's time for another Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

J. Crew. The clothier of choice for those in abusive relationships.

Funny Drunk

No clowning around, it's time for another installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Because one good clown image deserves another--see yesterday's Gallery entry--I present to you a vintage ad for Mel-O-Dry Beer:

Friends, don't let friends clown drunk.

Big Top Horror

It's Friday, the perfect time for a creepy clown sign!

Here's one taken by Keith Cooper on his trip to Seaside, Oregon:

Is it just me, or does this image make you want to take a shower just by looking at it?

Be sure to check out more images in the Clowns Are Scary specialty section!

This Way to the Egress

I can't help but think that more thought should have gone into the wording of this sign.

Thanks again to Nick Zachariasen, the Gallery's indispensable South Dakota connection!

Belly Fat Sex

Another in a series of incongruous ads found on Facebook. And so soon after the Refinancing Freak.

If someone can tell me what weight loss has to do with a woman's moist lips wrapped around a red cherry, I'd appreciate the insights.

Of course, the ad does state that it's "fat loss for men," so I guess that explains it.

This is just one of the many reasons why I, every so often, get this irresistible urge to punch Mark Zuckerberg in the face.

"Quality" of Life

Whenever I'm looking for a good sewing machine and vacuum store, this kind of irony is always a plus.

It's What's for Dinner

Kids just can't resist the warm, steaming goodness found at the My Dung restaurant.

Much thanks to Mark Sarles who provided today's tasty morsel.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/17/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of January 17th:

I have a dream that one day, J. Crew will feature in their catalogs men whose sense of fashion is reminiscent of Steve Urkel.

Phallic High

It's up, up, and away with this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

An advertisement from Ward, seller of television antennae:

Calling Dr. Freud! Calling Dr. Freud!

Rise and "Shine"

Mmmm......

Nothing like good "Mexican" cuisine to get your day "started."

Much "thanks" to the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks, second cousin removed of the Gallery's "Don't 'Quote' Me on That" special section!

Stubble Trouble

This is from a marketing campaign back in 2003. It's for Veet stubble removal:

Click on the image for a closer look and notice the composition with the two pony-tailed women in the background.

Advertising can be a hairy business, indeed.

Approval Bunny

Since when does the image of a rabbit speak to the quality, legitimacy, and/or authenticity of a food product?

Roast Beef Knockers

Here's an Arby's advertisement from 2009:

"Reveal" something you'll "drool over"? This one is right up there with the suggestive Burger King ad from around the same time.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/10/11

Your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of January 10th:

Here's an oldie, an Annoying J. Crew Model that I featured in the original Gallery of the Absurd back in the late 1990s.

This pose is curiously similar to last week's stork stand. Hmmmmm.....

The Personality Clown

No clowning around here! It's time for this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

I'm currently attending the annual Modern Language Association Convention, so perhaps it's only appropriate that I include for this week's Retro-Adivity a clown-related ad from 1948:

Remember: he's the personality clown.

Watery Happiness

Most bottled waters present themselves modestly, never venturing beyond the mild promise of thirst quenching (and of course, unnecessary land filling). But Clover Valley dares to go where no bottler has gone before:

Their water is "100% Happy Guaranteed!"

Sexy Alert

I found this advertisement in a flyer I recently received in the mail:

There's something about this that's a bit off. It looks more like a personals ad than it does something for a life emergency product. The woman is obviously topless, with a relaxed--maybe even seductive--look in her eyes, and the words "I live alone" (along with an 800 number) are prominently featured underneath her image. Get the message? AARP members are sexual beings as much as anyone, so I have no problem with older citizens having a "come hither" look. But when the product they're advertising is Life Alert, the incongruence is a little unsettling.

Refinancing Freaks

Here's another in what is apparently an endless series of incongruous and annoying Facebook ads. In this one, I'm not really sure what this freaky looking woman has to do with refinancing your house....unless refinancing is akin to constipation.

For more Facebook incongruities, see Man-Child, Pigman, Bin Laden car insurance, school for scoundrels, He has risen, Facehole, and storybook hell parts 1 and 2.

Freaky Fitness for the New Year

Today's Gallery entry is brought to you by the wacky duo of Al and Kathy Wirtes. It's the cover of the monthly community publication, The Broomfielder:

At first glance, you don't know what is going on with this woman. At first I thought she was in some sort of sling-type contraption. A closer look shows that she's playing with a hula hoop, although at the same time she seems to be doing a very lame "Walk Like an Egyptian" move. Then she's got her leg up--do you trot or dance like that when you're hula hooping?--and you're not really sure what that black thing is on her leg. Is it a awkward-looking water bottle? If you look again, this seems to be her boot top. But then why does her boot show through her purple pants? Is the leg ripped? But maybe those aren't her pants at all. Perhaps it's a strange apron or leggings of some sort. If so, why is she hula hooping/Walking Like an Egyptian in a purple apron-like-legging-thingie? And what's with that yellow cloth hanging down from her neck? Is it a scarf, or an ugly snot rag?

This image is enough to give you a headache, so don't think about it too much. What the hell was that photographer thinking?!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/3/11

It's time for another Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

And let's start off 2011 with another one of those ridiculous jumping stork poses:

Ahhh.... This brings back fond memories of freaky hillbilly girl.

Flowing Colon

I was watching television the other day, and this commercial came on. The beverage I was drinking almost shot through my nose when I heard the name of this product.

I know that bowel problems are nothing to laugh at, but some marketing contexts just bring out the puerile side of me.

Back to the Future

The Gallery of the Absurd wishes you a

RETRO-NEW YEAR!