Saturday, April 30, 2011

Deep S**th

Take a bow, Karo Kid, we salute you for this week's

RETRO-ADTIVITY


The disturbing thing about this ad is the fact that the Karo Kid apparently has nothing on underneath that hat.

Much thanks to that other naked cherub in our lives, Al Wirtes, for dishing up this little morsel.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Royal Indigestion

To commemorate the useless spectacle of the Royal Wedding, the people at BrewDog have created a beer in kind:
In addition to being 7.5% Indian pale ale, the brew supposedly contains herbal Viagra, chocolate, and goat weed. Yum.
But what really gets me about this beer is the illustration of William and Kate on the label:
Looks like they've suffered a stroke.

And of course, nothing goes with beer like pizza, and Papa John's has just what the Anglophile ordered:

This is so depressing. Someone please shoot me.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Brown Goo Clown Cone

Here's the sign of the Circus Conies and Cones in Seelyville, IN:

Another is a series of suggestive clown/cone signs. And what's that brown goo dripping down from the tip?

For similarly disturbing examples, be sure to check out the signs of the Big Top Drive-In and Angie's Dairy King. You'll be glad you did.

Much thanks to Debra Jane Seltzer, who photographed this image. Her RoadsideArchitecture.com is a great source for old signage. Check it out!

Waffle Work

Mmmmmmm.....renovated waffles. (Insert Homer Simpson drool sound here.)

Thanks once again to that eagle-eye, John Bird, for his signage acumen.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

"Chinese" Delivery

When in beautiful San Carlos, CA, be sure to stop by Yan's Garden.

Although for unambiguous Chinese food, you may need to go somewhere else.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Words Generally Only Spoil Things

Apparently, Rackspace Hosting thought that people wouldn't be able to understand the difficult concept of "seven years," so they broke it down into numbers.

Thanks to Michael Huster for finding this ad on Facebook, highlighting the absurdity, and sending it to me.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Hauling a Load

I saw this U-Haul truck in a local parking lot:
The old guy looks like he's constipated...
...and happily so.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 4/25/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of April 25th.

Yet another questionable specimen from J. Crew's online "Meet the Guys" section:
Was young and dumb?! Past tense? From the idiotic look on your face, you're still there, dude.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Resistance is Futile

Happy Easter from the Gallery of the Absurd!


What a great marketing ploy: selling church as a burden that you begrudgingly undertake. This is sure to fill the pews.

Many thanks to Al Wirtes who, in-between binges of marshmallow Peeps, took the time to leave us this little Easter egg of an ad.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Easter Evil

Looks like the Easter Bunny has been here and has deposited a little bit of goodness we call

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Here's the back of a RIT egg dyeing box from the 1960s:
That is one evil-looking chick mask.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Quotation Double Shot!

Here's yet another hand-made sign found at the Hy-Vee grocery in Sioux City, IA:
Both "digital" and "last minute." Jackpot!

Thanks again to Nick Zachariasen...of course.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

"Gourmet"

A sign found at the Hy-Vee grocery story on Hamilton Boulevard in Sioux City, IA:
What a bargain! Extra quotation marks, and all for only $4.49!

Once again, thanks to "Nick" Zachariasen for discriminating taste in signage.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Butt Buddy

Does toilet paper really need a human face in order to sell?

Notice that "Scott" is wearing a white shirt, like he truly represents toilet paper. Are we supposed to want to wipe our asses with him?

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Jacked Off

Another freaky web-based advertisement:

I'm not sure which is more disturbing, the guy's expression or the lousy Photshopped image.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Quote Unquote?

When in beautiful Lemars, IA, be sure to check out Mr. Movies:

They specialize in films with cliffhangers...much like their commitment to punctuation.

Thanks once again to, Nick Zachariasen, who is currently hot on the trail of some missing quotation marks.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 4/18/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of April 18th.

Here's another dorky model from the J. Crew website's "Meet the Guys" section:

When you "shop this look," does this mean you also seek the ability to levitate?

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Hand Job, Part Deux

Early last year, I posted the ridiculous Shake Weight commercial, highlighting the ad's not-too-subtle allusions before it became a media sensation (and getting the jump on Saturday Night Live and their parody of the product). Here is another manifestation of commercial, and I see that nothing much has changed:

Keep your eyes on this blog for more Shake Weight fun!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Panty Raid

Hold on to your panties, it's time for this week's

RETRO-ADTIVITY

There's nothing I can say to add to the sheer creepiness of this advertisement:


Thanks to man-about-town, Al Wirtes, for finding this revealing bit of pop culture.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Soft Served Horrors

Sign of the Big Top Drive-In in Evansville, IN:

The Angie's Dairy King clown sign from a few weeks back was disturbing enough. But there's something about this clown that goes the extra terrifying mile.


Much thanks to Debra Jane Seltzer, who photographed this image. Her RoadsideArchitecture.com is a great source for old signage. Check it out!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Do the Doo

Some candies only taste like fruit. Others give you the complete effects.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Soul Searching

The sign of a pipe, valve, and fittings supplier in South Sioux City, NE:

Pipes are one thing. Proofreading, apparently, is another.

Much thanks again to Nick Zachariasen for his keen eye.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Party in My Pants

There's something about the name of this product, "Pocket Pies," that sounds a little obscene.

And I don't even want to know about the filling.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 4/11/11

Fresh and out of the pasture, here is this week's Annoying J. Crew Model!

This is a recent image from J. Crew's website, part of their "Meet the Guys" section:

I'm conflicted. I don't know whether to slap this guy upside the head or throw him a pair of socks.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Girly Man Breakfast

Pour on the milk, and listen to the sounds of *snap* *crackle* and *crap*, because it's time for this week's

RETRO-ADTIVITY

A vintage advertisement for a shredded wheat product:

That kid's face is really freaking me out. It's like they've cast it in porcelain or something, heavily makeuped. And the eyelashes give me the fantods.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Clown Escape

There are so many horrifying images in this sign, I'm not sure where to begin.

I guess crapping your britches out of terrifying fear would definitely qualify as "escaping from boredom."

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Road to Nowhere


Yes, I can see that you are indeed going places. But I didn't know that McDonald's delivered.

Thanks again to Nick Zachariasen, who found this effective recruiting poster at a McD's in North Sioux City, SD.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Mister Sock



Not only is the name of this product dorky, but they saw fit to trademark it.

Much thanks to Noelle Schreiber, whose no nonsense sniffer picked up this funky whiff at a King Soopers.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Snapple Gone Bad



And remember, kids, every six-pack of Snapple comes with its very own certificate of live birth!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 4/4/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of April 4th:


When life gets too hectic, put on a schoolboy blazer.

Remember: It's a no-brainer for spring!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Sexy Tomato?

Here's a Japanese commercial for a McDonald's concoction called the Tomato McGrand:
What disturbs me most about this ad is the fact that "sexy" and "Ronald McDonald" are so seamlessly, and visually, linked.

Stop the horror!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Gabby Pop

The smell of unwashed western supporting actors is in the air...which means it must be time for this week's

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Here's a Popsicle advertisement from 1956:
Nothing says cool refreshment like a crusty, toothless sidekick...

...especially if that crusty, toothless sidekick is everyone's favorite, Gabby Hayes!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Spanking the Monkey

Today the movie Hop opens in theaters, and this reference to shameless marketing of annoying animated animals reminds me of another marketing ploy I encountered almost exactly a year ago: Nintendo advertising their Super Monkey Ball game on a bunch of bananas I got at the grocery store.

One of the many reasons to hate people in marketing.

And for more banana-related pain, check out the Gallery's array of other stupid stickers: Building a Better Banana, Banana-lama-dingdong, Pocket Size Fun, Fun with Bananas, Hands Off My Banana, and When You're Smiling.

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