Saturday, December 31, 2011

Jim Henson's Cellophane Babies

Wrap up your troubles in a see-through bag, 'cause it's time for this weekend's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Ah....things were so much simpler back then. People smoked openly, racial segregation was the norm, women stayed in the home, and little kids could be wrapped in plastic and put out of sight with no legal or moral repercussions.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Safe Sex for the Mentally Challenged

This image was on the Village Voice's blog, but it's well worth presenting it here on the Gallery. It's an advertisement for Durex condoms that ran in India:

I know that a large part of the responsibility of putting on the condom rests with the man. But don't you think that the woman should know whether or not he actually used it? If she's so clueless (AKA, stupid), then maybe she shouldn't be in a situation that would even remotely lead to breeding.

Or maybe this woman found an empty condom wrapper in her apartment and is wondering if her lover/husband used it with someone else?

Or maybe she's brain damaged and just likes standing in front of empty packages.

Or maybe she's just mesmerized by anything related to contraception.

Any of these possibilities would make sense...wouldn't they?

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Incongruous Hiring Practices

Here's a hiring display from a McDonald's in North Platte, NE:

I'm not really sure what to make of this display. It includes "Now Hiring" standing cards in an aquarium, along with various shells, set on a blue cloth that is obviously supposed to suggest the ocean. But why the beach motif? There's nothing at all in the restaurant that even remotely suggests anything oceanic. And this is in Nebraska, after all. What's more, this display looks like it was thrown together at the last minute, rather haphazardly.

Yeah...this really invites career opportunities.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Diva Scrooge



Damn, I'm sorry I missed this gospel adaptation of the Dickens classic, especially as it's represented in such a high quality commercial. It would have made my holidays all that more mesmerizing, surrealistic, and painful.

The Lonely Drawing Boy

The other week, while I was in Walmart at the height of the holiday shopping season, I came across this in the toy aisles:

What struck me about this box is how pathetically lonely the little boy looks.

I get depressed just looking at this image.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Aborted Xmas

The Island of Misfit Toys taken to a whole new level:

Think about this advertisement for a moment. Toys that play with kids? Children who never were being missed by inanimate objects that will surely be enjoyed by real children from families less fortunate that most people reading this ad? There's a big-ass creepiness factor going on here, and we have the kind folks at the Niagara Region Right to Life organization to thank for that.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/26/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of December 26th:


Apparently, Teddy didn't get any socks as a holiday gift.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Being Naughty and Nice

Happy Holidays

from the Gallery of the Absurd


Here's hoping that everybody got something good in their stockings this year.

Happy Hanukkah

The Gallery of the Absurd wishes everyone a

Happy Hanukkah!



Saturday, December 24, 2011

Making Your Yuletide Gay

Hold on to your butts, it's time for a second dose of this weekend's holiday

RETRO-ADTIVITY

I could comment on this advertisement for men's pajamas, but I'll just let that little Freud in you do the talking.

A Charbroiled Christmas

Deck the halls and run like hell...it's time for the 2011 Christmas weekend edition of

RETRO-ADTIVITY


If "someone you love" gives you a gift such as this, you have every right to kick them in their jingle bells.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Krazy Kommercial Kristmas

This Walmart commercial has been bombarding the airwaves this holiday season:

God, this makes me want to hate Christmas.

Have a Cup of Christmas Fear

I was in an Office Max recently and saw this banner:
There's no doubt about it: this face shows the true, true horrors of the holiday season.


God help us, everyone.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Slasher Christmas

Today's Gallery entry is provided by our Colorado connection, Al Wirtes:


Ah...nothings says "Peace on Earth" than a good slasher flick.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/19/11

In the J. Crew tradition of shamelessly exploiting the "cuteness" of children to sell their overrated product, I bring to you the

Annoying J. Crew Model of
Christmas Week!



God bless our overpriced clothing, everyone!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/12/11

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of December 12th:


J. Crew, asking you to remember that this holiday season, there's no such thing as too thin!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Hair Care Scare

Praise the Lord! This weekend we have a second dose of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Here's an old German hair-care advertisement from the good people at Rowenta:


Much thanks to Mitch O'Connell, who provided today's entry. Be sure to check out his blog, which is filled will weird, off-beat images. You won't be disappointed.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Banging Santa

Make your holiday go off with a BANG by checking out this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Nothings says "Peace on earth, good will toward men" more than a Colt pistol:
I wonder if this ad ever ran in any Virginia publications?

Friday, December 9, 2011

A Bra-lly Christmas

After yesterday's titillating Gallery entry, it's only appropriate that we follow up with an advertisement of equal measurement and proportion, this one from the online company FreshPair:

I guess it's not only stockings that Santa will be stuffing.

Bra bless us, everyone!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Boob Loan

Money and breasts...two tastes that go great together on the Internet! Here's an ad I recently found online:

By this point, wouldn't you think Internet marketing folk would be a little more subtle? No...I guess not.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Trying to Score with FreeScore

Here's a FreeScore.com commercial that has been saturating the airwaves. This is ridiculous, and disturbing, for a number of reasons.
First, the commercial suggests that there's something immediate you can do about your credit scores, which is highly misleading. Second, the electronic salesman with the big poofy hair sort of creeps me out. And finally, the whole big-screen television shopping act seems more like a facade for some weird pickup scene. Note the way the salesman and customer interact and look at each other, and the fact that there are buff men in tight-fitting clothing standing behind them.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Santa and the Ladies

I found this sign in the women's section in our local Walmart:

Just look at that expression on Santa's face. You just know he's got certain "special" sleepwear on his mind.


Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Steaks Are So Funny

Here's the message board from a steak buffet here in Kearney, NE:

I'm not sure the person who put up this sign understands the whole concept behind that thing called "a joke."

Monday, December 5, 2011

Santa...After Dark

Much thanks to Gallery special agent, Nick Zachariasen, who found this sign at a Christmas event held in the Vermillion, SD, Public Library:

The erotic possibilities are endless!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/5/11

Bundle up, it's time for the Annoying J. Crew Model of the week!

Here's another image from the J. Crew holiday catalog:

Why is this dork outside in the snow, hauling a tree, in just a simple layer of pants and a sports jacket? I guess this is the kind of mental caliber you find in a J. Crew model.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

And We Thought the Catholic Church Had Problems

I'll let this album cover speak for itself.

Be sure to check out other freaky album covers at Steve Carter's "The Worst Album Covers Ever Created?" web page. And a big thanks to Lauren Weinstein for her Facebook posting, which introduced me to this cringe-inducing site.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Frozen Fear

Scoop it out and let it melt in your mouth, it's time for this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Before we plunge ourselves too far into the holiday season, let's have another clown-induced dose of fear and trembling in the form of an old Twin Pines ice cream box:


The horror...the horror...

Friday, December 2, 2011

Spudman

I learned just the other day that there's such a thing as a magazine called Spudman. It's a trade publication for potato farmers. These farmers are a wonderful breed, I'm sure, and I mean them no ridicule. But there's just something funny about the word "spudman," and something even funnier about the fact that there's a magazine titled this.

I wonder what would happen if the Spudmen ever met the Spud Boys?


Are we not men?

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Happy Happy Christmas

It's the Christmas season, and everyone is happy...right? At least that's the case with this freaky-looking mascot for mySimon.com:
Just look at him.

Doesn't he just exude holiday cheer?

Changing LINKS