I'm Suckin' It

Here's an advertisement that McDonald's recently ran in Australia:  

There's just something about this image that makes me go all Freudian.  I'm not sure what it is.

And as an extra Friday bonus...

Speaking of McDonald's, this highly disturbing extra bonus is brought to us by the president of the Willard Scott Fan Club, Debbie Mix.  It's an image of the very first Ronald McDonald from 1963, ol' Willard himself. 

Thank you, Debbie, for bringing terror into my life.

Fhonetic Flyer Fun

Gallery aficionado Kathy Deasy Wirtes recently found this flyer in her mail:  

Outside of the image of cheesy Eurotrash, what makes this stand out is the word they highlight in the ad.  If you wanted to get people excited about your dark, liquid product, would you really want to include a word that is phonetically a close cousin of "fecal"?

Those wacky Swedes!

Fright Ride

Here's a very creepy clown image that my good friend, Brian, recently found on a ride at an amusement park:

It's enough to make you want to shit your britches.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 8/27/12

Here is your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of August 27th:

I am by no means a violent person, but there are some J. Crew models that I look at and immediately just want to slap.  This is one.

Science and the Single Girl

Have you been blinded with science?  If not, then just take a look at this week's installment of    

RETRO-ADTIVITY

This week's retro ad, focusing on science and women's issues, is in honor of Todd Akin and his knuckle-dragging cohorts gathering at the Republican National Convention in Tampa:

I wonder, would this marketing scheme qualify as "legitimate"?

Power to the Pancakes

Last week I took my daughter to an IHOP, one of her favorite places to eat.  (She loves the chocolate smiley face pancakes.)  On the tables were these placards:  

What kind of corporation cashes in--literally--on revolutionary rhetoric?  

Even sadder, "Pancakes to the people" is apparently trademarked.  I weep for our society.

Sing Along with Mister Lid

I had the news on this morning while making breakfast, and all of sudden I heard this song that sounded like a parody, a joke, something that just couldn't be real.  But no, it was the actual theme song for the latest Mister Lid commercial.  Here are the last moments of that commercial, the part with the jingle:

This has to be one of the lamest attempts at a theme song that I've ever heard.  Plus, it's one of those annoying tunes that refuses to get out of your head.

Enjoy, won't you?

Cheap Dork

Last week I posted a frightening image I saw while driving on the Dallas North Tollway.  Just right down from that Wild Asphalt Freakass Circus billboard, there is this one:  

What the hell is this guy doing?  Are his arms splayed out in an attempt to welcome or introduce us to something?  Is he trying to be an airplane, and for some reason is linking the airline industry to real estate?  Is he ineptly imitating a tree?  Is he drunk and trying to steady himself as he walks?

I vote for the latter.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 8/20/12

Call out from the mountain tops, it's time for the Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of August 20th.

Another in a seemingly endless series of stupid images from the J. Crew website.  This one is an oh-so-convincing rendition of a woman calling out to a friend.  Either that, or she's attempting to smell her own breath in a very inefficient manner.

The Chocolate Closet

You'll feel pretty, oh so pretty...and ready to sing show tunes, when you take a look at this week's installment of      

RETRO-ADTIVITY

And remember: it comes in regular and chocolate flavored!

Asphalt Clown

I saw this billboard while driving on the Dallas North Tollway:

It scared the shit out of me.  But what frightened me even more was what I found on the Wild Asphalt Circus website:

And they want family attendance at this event?

Spooky Taco Boy Revisited

A few weeks ago I found the spooky kid mascot of the chain Taco Delite.  Here's another manifestation, this one with a bow tie: 

Does this more formal presentation make him more acceptable to a gringo population?

Forever Dumb

I was walking by the clothing store, Forever 21, at the Stonebriar Mall in Frisco, TX, yesterday, and I saw this idiotic image: 

What struck me was the expression on the woman's face.  

How much more vapid and clueless can they make their models?

Good Vibrations

This weekend I posted a Retro-Adtivity ad for a gum massager and commented on the curiousness of this product as a finger-shaped vibrator.  Interestingly enough, AdSense, a company that strategically places ads on The Gallery of the Absurd (look on the righthand side of your browser), picked up on the word "vibrator" and came up with this:  

A whole body vibrator.  In the words of the Dave Clark Five, that should make you feel "glad" all over.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 8/13/12

Quit goofing around!  It's time for the

Annoying J. Crew Model 

for the week of August 13th.

This image is on the opening page of the current J. Crew website.  There's something about this woman's feigned enthusiasm that just makes me want to quit the human race.

"Gum" Vibrator

Stimulate your weekend with a big, pulsating dose of The Gallery of the Absurd's    

RETRO-ADTIVITY

I get it.  A vibrating "gum" massager in the shape of a finger, made specifically "for your personal use."

Remember, buy one for yourself and one for a friend!  It's more fun with a "gum buddy."

Clowning with Walmart

Since my good friend, Gwen, pointed out to me an evil clown on her Facebook page today, I thought it only appropriate that I should follow suit and share a disturbing coupling of Walmart and "fully charged" clowns:  

Go ahead, don't fight the urge.  Take a good, long, closer look at these faces:  

Happy Friday to you, too, Gwen!

Cliff Caution

Great Britain, host of the 2012 Summer Olympics and tireless guardian for its all-important cliff population:  

Ah, the difference a comma makes!

Breast Savings

This recently came through the mail in a packet of local business coupons:  

The composition of the coupon is interesting.  See how the attractive young woman, wearing a bikini top, is holding the money directly in front of her cleavage. (Perhaps giving a new meaning to the term "money shot"?) Also, notice how the X in "extreme" is abnormally large and draws your attention.  Makes you wonder what the message here, subliminal or otherwise, might be.

Furby "Fun"?

The new 2012 Furby. As the dude says, each of the things you do with Furby shapes its personality.



Damn...what in god's name has this guy been doing with his Furby?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 8/6/12

Some marriages are made in heaven, some in hell.  This marriage, between corporate annoyance and wacky irreverence, is made in the Gallery of the Absurd's special feature, 

The Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week

The entry for the week of August 6th is reminiscent of last week's annoying J. Crew model:

This one was provided by a friend of mine, Miriam Jaffe-Foger, who said that this was the no-socks marriage image in her recent J. Crew catalog...which is apparently different from the one I got.  Hmmmm.  What's J. Crew up to?

Here's what Miriam has to say about this stupid photo shot:

This guy is clearly not into her, probably because her fake smile is so annoying. But really, she just can't stand the fact that she has to trip on her dress, while his pants are so short, thus revealing his sockless ankles.

Much thanks, Miriam!

Kute Kirk

My wife alerted me to this abomination yesterday: 

The official Star Trek website, which featured this ad, describes the figurine this way:

[T]his has to be just about the cutest Captain Kirk… ever. The piece is the brand-new Star Trek Precious Moments “Captain Kirk” Figurine, which depicts a youthful, contemplative and confident Kirk seated on a command chair, and is the inaugural piece in a limited-edition set from The Hamilton Collection. The “Captain Kirk” Figurine, also referred to as Issue One: To Boldly Go Where No Man Has Gone Before, stands 4 ½ inches high, features Sam Butcher’s adventurous lad as Kirk and is handcrafted in artist’s resin and meticulously painted.

I doubt that I will ever be able to quit throwing up.

This piece from The Hamilton Collection is right up there with similar fear-inducing products from the Ashton-Drake company, e.g., My Joy, My Pain, Cute as a Button, Heavenly Handfuls, M&M Miniatures, Little Devil, and Claire.

Mother's Little Helper

Encouraging mother-daughter rivalry since the 1990s, it's The Gallery of the Absurd and this week's installment of   

RETRO-ADTIVITY

The late 1960s...A time of Ivory soap, carefree romps with Ken Kesey's Merry Prankster's, unbridled smoking, Pleasant Valley Sundays, and the beginning of the end for Mrs. Howard's daughter, Katherine:  

What some might call the "little girl look" is actually the cold, fixed stare of a future serial killer and psychiatric patient.  

Like mother, like daughter... Think about it, won't you?

La Bamba

Freaky-ass packaging from the fine folks at Osem: 

Thank you, Israel and Nestle, for nurturing a company scaring the shit out of us with their mascot.

What's even scarier is the actual food itself:

Blackbutt

I'm not sure if a game based on Blackbeard's ass is something I want to spend time playing.

Much thanks to Mike for submitting this to the Gallery.  Mike had previously contributed a label for Charmin tissue, "a clean you will notice."  Hmmmmm.  Am I noticing a thematic pattern here?  

It's a Doll's Revolution

I was at a Hobby Lobby yesterday with my daughter, and we came across this disturbing display: 

There's just something about a boxed little girl with the words "Make Me Your Friend" blazoned across her chest that crosses that line of appropriateness.