Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Spastic Soup

Why put faces of spastics on your instant soup product?  Is this supposed to make it "hip"?

Monday, January 28, 2013

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/28/13

Get out the Pepto-Bismol, it's time for another

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week

Here's the cover of the latest J. Crew catalog, or I guess what they're calling a "style guide":  

What the hell is the deal with this freaky pose?

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Going "Incognito"

Get "ready" everyone, it's time for "this" week's installment of   


An advertisement placed in a Winnipeg newspaper in 1915:

Why do I get the impression that this ad is actually a coded message for either a spy operation during the Great War or Johnny Cannuk's House of Ill Repute?

Friday, January 25, 2013

Gnome Freak

While up in the Midwest last month, I was able to find some Vernors ginger ale.  

This is good stuff -- smooth and not sharp at all, unlike Blenheim from South Carolina (love that as well!) --  but it's nonetheless got a disturbing side to the product.  I'm talking about the freaky gnome mascot, Woody, on the side of the bottle:

This is the kind of "cute" iconic image that will easily come to haunt your dreams...especially with that wink.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Nasty Holiday Leftovers

Have you ever gotten food for the holidays, neglect to use it, and then later find it sitting around turning stale or rancid?  That's the context for today's Gallery entry.

I came across this sight late last month during my holiday travels: 

Where exactly is the logic of linking an over-processed, chemical-laden pork product with the "joy and cheer" of Christmas?

Check out the actual ingredients of the McRib on the website Decoded Science.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Kardashian Krap

As if we needed just one more reason to hate the Kardashians: 

I guess it's only appropriate that a product associated with this celebrity monstrosity is filled with intentional misspellings.  And I can see the brain trust behind this marketing campaign know how to appropriately use quotation marks, as well. 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Weird Lizard (?) Thing

We were an an Aldi the other day, and I came across this box of one of their Millville brand cereals: 

I know that kids' cereals all have some sort of cartoon-like mascot.  But what the hell is that thing?  Is it a lizard?  Some kind of strange aquatic creature with a shell-shaped face?  And why are its eyes dichromatic?

Monday, January 21, 2013

Milking MLK

I have a dream that one day businesses will refuse to exploit moments of national importance for their own economic gain.  But maybe that's just a pipe dream, akin to waiting for Godot.  For now, all we have are recent examples of MLK milking in the form of

hair care hawking

food and dining

furniture sales

and everybody's favorite merchandiser, Kmart!

Et lacrimatus est lesus.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/21/13

The Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week

Another nugget of joy from the J. Crew website:  

Poor thing.  Not a thought in her head that doesn't concern those shoes.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Bottled Up

Fighting sexism and tastelessness since 2010, it's here, it's  now, it's this week's installment of  


Another reminder of the good 'ol 1950s, an era in American history praised and fetishized by Reaganites and right-wingers throughout the land:

So who do we blame for this?  Del Monte? Alcoa? Consumers?

You know, I should begin a new feature in The Gallery of the Absurd devoted to questionable images of women in advertisements.  Something that uses an ironic twist on words.  Maybe something like "A Fairer Sex."

Friday, January 18, 2013

No Respect

The side of a CapriSun carton:  

I can understand the message about recycling and caring for the planet.  But "Respect the punch"?  What the hell does that mean?

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Mocha Love

I found this on top of a convenience store's gas pump recently:  

When the geniuses at McDonald's were coming up with this idea, I wonder if they were consciously trying to make a commentary on what many consider our post-racial culture?  Not too long ago, "mocha love" could get you into trouble in many parts of the South.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Oily Kitty

There's something about the combination of Hello Kitty and the phrase "oil absorbing" that just seems...well...a little sordid.

This entry is dedicated to my wacky Hello Kitty-conscious friend, Tracey McHenry!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Making Whoopie

I found this at a convenience store while on the road during the holidays:  

Not sure I'd want to put anything with the word "whoopie" into my mouth.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/14/13

Come on, kids, let's see what's cookin' with today's

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week

Something recently from the J. Crew website:

I'm not sure what annoys me most about this image, the fact that she looks like a complete dumb-ass, her holding her sleeve up for some unknown reason, or knowing with almost absolute certainty that she doesn't really need to wear those glasses.

I guess all of the above.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Fear and Trembling and Clowns

Nope, no clowning around today. Right now, it's time for this week's installment of 


In the spirit of yesterday's Gallery entry, here's another classic clown-related advertisement, this one for the Wiziarde Novelty Circus:

If this guy's face doesn't cause you to boot in your britches, I don't know what would.  

Friday, January 11, 2013

Clown Bordello

Maybe it's just me and my Friday state of mind, but when I look at this picture, I can't help but think of this group of painted women as a kind of clown bordello:

Kind of makes you wonder what really makes Bubbles "magical."  

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Homey Don't Play That

When in beautiful Kampala, Uganda, be sure to visit the Homey Barber Shop.  

A hair joint without a stand-by generator?  I don't think so.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Ripe & Easy

Do you really want to put a picture of a young, cute, and smiling girl on the label of a product called "Ripe and Easy"?

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


Here's the lid to a container of whipped topping, an image sent to me by my good friend, Brian Donahue:  

I'm bemused by the "whip-itty-doo-da" comment, perplexed by the strawberry image, and seriously disturbed by that (apparently) spastic penguin yelling "Whippee!"

Even more disturbing:

Brian, boy...what the hell are you eating up there in Spokane?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/7/13

Here to ruin your workweek, it's time for a new installment of 

The Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, and again, and again, and again...I really do hate the kids of J. Crew.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Total Sexism

Keeping up with our culture's gender zeitgeist, it's this week's installment of 


Housekeeping and paranoia over body image.  The fruits of American domesticity.

Friday, January 4, 2013

"Plussing" Your Pet

Here's the store front of a pet supply shop in Richardson, TX: 

I really wonder what "plus" we'll find at this business. Maybe we should contact Sarah McLachlan and the ASPCA about this.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Hobbit Sex

On my family's recent holiday travels, we stopped for dinner at a Denny's.  They have a whole series of dishes linked to the new Hobbit movie (as if Peter Jackson and the whole Tolkien franchise needed any more merchandising).  On the special "Welcome to Middle-Earth's Diner" menu, this is what I found:  

The Shire Sausage meal comes immediately after the Hobbit Hole dish.   Risqué innuendoes?  You decide.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A Final Holiday Farewell...Clown Style

Here's one last entry for the 2012 holiday season, coming to you clown style

Thank you, P.T., for making the holidays even more unbearable.  Your efforts will not go unnoticed.

Changing LINKS