Thursday, February 28, 2013

Toilet Rainbow Baby

Last week I posted a not-very-well-thought-out flyer from C&W Plumbing, here in the greater Dallas area.  In that ad there was a picture of a kid's face -- apparently their trademark -- in a drain with the words "We'll wash away your troubles!" directly underneath.  Here's another one from this paragon of the plumbing world: 


A couple of things here.  First, you still have the kid's face next to (and apparently associated with) the object of their service, this time a toilet.  Second, there's a rainbow coming out of the bowl.  Is this any kind of commentary on the value of the baby, or perhaps the kind of things the baby's parents have been eating...or some strange signifying of both?

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Sanitary Twist

A recent commercial for Tena sanitary pads:



What's so happy and dance-worthy about a sanitary napkin?  As my wife asked when she first saw this commercial, shouldn't they instead be upset, discomforted, and pissed off?

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Busty Language

Oy!  More incongruous web ads!  

Here are a couple of recent ad links that came up on my Facebook page, both for the Pimsleur Approach language program.  Tell me, what do the women in these ads have to do with learning Spanish?  


And of course an obvious question, what "selling points" do these two women have in common?

For more of these annoying advertisements, check out the Gallery entries Trans Dad, Weird Prick Trick, Gland Error, Breast Savings, Boob Loan, and Sleep Rack.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Everett Leaves the Coop

Today C. Everett Koop passed away.  In memory, I'd like to feature an entry with Koop that I posted back on June 13, 2008.  However, the very first time I posted this was in the original Gallery of the Absurd back in the late 1990s.  Goodbye, Mr. Surgeon General.
-----

C. Everett eat his eggs. I found this on the inside of a carton of eggs I bought.


From Reagan's Surgeon General to shiller of that incredible, edible orb. Egg-cellent!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 2/25/13

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of February 25th:  


There's something weird about the way this woman is walking.  It's like she pooped her pants and is trying to step carefully.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Spock Smacks


Beam me up, Scotty, because it's time for this week's     

RETRO-ADTIVITY

A classic Sugar Smacks box cover from 1969, telling us that "Space energy comes from Sugar Smacks": 


The good Sugar Smacks people at Kellogg's, the same folk who brought us 

Vitamin fortified ethnic stereotypes  

The scary face of Lou Jacobs paired with a reference to atomic destruction

A free toy, the dismembered body of Mary Hartline, circus star

And a laughing Andy Devine...'nuf said.

For more breakfast cereal fun, be sure to check out the website of Mr. Breakfast, where I found all of these images.  Don't let Mr. Breakfast's weird grinning face scare you away.  It's a site well worth digging through!

Friday, February 22, 2013

Jim Henson's Trouble Babies

I received this flyer in the mail recently: 


Why did the designers of this advertisement choose to include the phrase "We'll wash away your troubles!" right underneath the image of the cute baby?  Is this message for overburdened parents?  A coded reference to black market babies or perhaps infanticide?

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Freak Tooth

A dentist's sign in Dallas, TX, shot from a distance: 


I've seen a number of cartoony smiling teeth as dental mascots, but there's something about this one that just crosses a line.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

A Phelps Doobie

A Subway standee I saw in a Walmart:  


Given Michael Phelps's drug-related admissions, I had to wonder what that long, tightly wrapped cylindrical thing was in his hand.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

De-Cluttering Oprah

Usually I try to adhere strictly to advertisements, signs, and labels on The Gallery of the Absurd.  But I guess the cover of a brand magazine is a kind of label, right?  This one was just too good to pass up: 


How about de-cluttering your life by refusing to buy vapid ego-generated publications such as this?

Did the cover designer give any thought to the potential irony of this layout?

Monday, February 18, 2013

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 2/18/13

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of February 18th:


Sometimes when I look at pictures of these models, I just lose all sense of empathy and compassion for my fellow humans.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Zu Zu Is Coming for You


Get ready for a weird, painful ride on this week's trip through    

RETRO-ADTIVITY

In the first years of the twentieth century the National Biscuit Company (later Nabisco) came out with a kind of ginger snap called Zu Zu.  Their mascot was a freaky-looking clown thing that was supposed to be fun and entertaining...like their cookie.  But beneath the surface of this smiling, painted face lies a darker truth.  Let's take a look, shall we?


A newspaper ad from 1910.


Innocent looking enough...right? 


But then, things begin to get a little weird and disturbing.


What at first appears to be a kid-friendly icon...


Turns out to be something akin to that scary clown doll in Poltergeist.


Pretty soon, little minds are infiltrated, all innocence is lost.  "The youngsters soon caught on," huh?  


And then the true nature of Zu Zu appears before us, in all of his dark and sinister glory.  As Yeats put it, a "blood-dimmed tide is loosed." And "a perfect ginger snap" becomes the last sound we hear.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Le Grand Statements

Here is a sign outside of a very modest strip mall in the north part of Frisco, TX, using French in a lame attempt to add gravitas:  


Sad, really.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Ham King

Johnny's Ham King:  


The name really says it all.

Thanks to the blog, Tour de Hood, for today's Gallery entry.  As stated on its website, it's all about "Detroit, in all its insane glory, on two wheels."

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Blocked Up by Fish

Poster found at the Half Shells Fish Grill in Plano, TX:  


I saw this in the restaurant's bathroom, which I guess is only appropriate, since that dude on the right looks very constipated.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Ticket to Hell



Go to Hell.  Go directly to Hell.  Do not pass Go.  Do not collect $200.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 2/11/13

Asking that age-old question regarding what J. Crew models do in the woods, it's another installment of the Gallery of the Absurd's

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week

An image from the current J. Crew website:


Looks like she's in the forest, bending down, getting ready to take a dump.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

John Wayne Gacy Has Nothing on These Guys

Be afraid.  Be very afraid.  Because it's time for this week's installment of    

RETRO-ADTIVITY

This is an actual ad that Goldsmith's Toyland (in Memphis, TN) ran in December 1963:



BoBo and JoJo as "two lovable, laughable clowns"?!  Hell...these freaks make me shit my britches just looking at them.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Trans Dad

Another in a seemingly endless series of incongruent web ads:  


Hear, hear!  Let's educate out cross-dresing or transgendered dads!

Thanks once again to Mike Halleck, well schooled in the many absurdities found on the Interwebs.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Private Dancer

The Super Bowl was last weekend, and now that we have the Ravens, the blackouts, the headache-inducing sports commentators, and the gratuitous strutting pop stars behind us, let's take a look at one of the more notable phenomena from this year's event:


Yeah yeah yeah...I know, Beyoncé is sexy, she's talented, and all of that stuff.  And like many other big-time music stars, she sells out faster than the annoying beat of her songs.  She's been getting a lot of flack for shilling for Pepsi, producer of vast amounts of sugar-laden drinks and helping to churn out fat kids around the country.  Not the most sympathetic of industries, to say the least.  But perhaps we should give Beyoncé a break.  At least she's not doing any private high-paying performances for noted world dictators or members of their families.  At least, not lately.  But give it time.

Much thanks to the blog, Jason in Hollywood, where I found this image of Beyoncé's Pepsi lips billboard in...well, Hollywood.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Happy Knit

Here's a label from something my wife got not long ago:  


There's nothing wrong with being happy, but this woman is having just too much of a good time crocheting.  Kinda creepy.  And what the hell is looking at to her left?

Monday, February 4, 2013

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 2/4/13

Get out the shovel, it's time once again for the

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week


I think this model just stepped in dog crap...and is smiling about it.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Bowled Over with Enthusiasm

Yeah, yeah, I know.  Looking forward to the 2013 Super Bowl, it's America's sport, the commercials are better than the game itself, blah, blah, blah....  I'm no sports fan, so I've never been overcome by the spirit of the game.  And from the look of this Land O' Frost advertisement, these guys aren't so bowled over either: 


If you could find a more pathetic-looking group of actors trying to appear excited and failing miserably, I'd like to know.

Much thanks to fan Ryan Hennessy, today's official quarterback for The Gallery of the Absurd!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Clean Clown

It cleans!  It shines!  It scrubs the grime from our popular culture corpus!  It's what you've been waiting for!  It's this week's installment of   

RETRO-ADTIVITY


Thank you Lever Brothers for trying to associate circus clowns with good clean fun.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Weird Trick Prick

Here we go again, another in a seemingly endless series of cleavage-centered advertising images that have little to do with the product they're supposedly hawking: 


Okay, I understand the link between testosterone and pictures of women's cleavage.  But this one just seems...well, weird.  First and foremost is the word "weird."  What is this trick, why is it weird, and what would it have to do with performance?  Also, why wouldn't you want to share this trick?  Doesn't the image above the headline suggest that the whole point of this product/method is that you want to share it with a particular someone?  And does not sharing this trick have an onanistic implication?  Is that what they mean by "performance"?

For more of these kind of idiotic ads, see Gland Error, Breast Savings, Boob Loan, and Sleep Rack.

Changing LINKS