Thursday, December 18, 2014

Freudian Breakfast

I pass this van on my way to work every day: 

Curious choice of sausage to pair with the donuts. Hmmmm.......

Monday, December 15, 2014

Questionable Punctuation

All I want for Christmas is correct -- or at least unambiguous -- punctuation usage.

Much thanks to Nikki Palermo, who found this posted on the inside of the door of the only bathroom at a veterinary clinic she was working at.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Possessive Conundrums

I discovered these things at the store today:

They look good, but what really caught my attention was the name: OMG's. Is there the legitimate need for the apostrophe? Is OMG a person or entity to where these are his/her/its Chocolaty Clusters, and thus, the possessive 's is necessary? Or, if OMG stands for "oh my god," which I would assume it does, then might an OMG be something so good that it makes you say "Oh my god," and thus, an OMG is synonymous with a Chocolaty Cluster? And wouldn't that suggest redundancy? And if so, wouldn't a plural s be more appropriate here? And if this is the case, wouldn't the apostrophe be just another example of grammatical superfluity (as in the case with "the 1980's")? The company that makes these is called OMG's Candy, so that's no help.

Am I spending too much time thinking about this matter?

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Strangle Me Elmo

This holiday season, give your child the gift of Muppet-induced asphyxiation. 

A big thanks -- and a creepy, threatening hug -- to founding friend of the Gallery of the Absurd, Brian Donahue.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Kink Control

The product name says it all.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Inns and Outs

Last month my wife and I were passing through Bessemer, AL, and we were having a difficult time finding a hotel with a vacancy. We ended up staying at this choice location: 

We have no idea why this establishment referred to itself in the plural. But this is in Alabama, after all.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

"Meat Service"

Oh!  The many ways to qualify or even ironize "meat service"!

Seedy Categorization

This the season...for melon-squash confusion!

Happy getting ready for Thanksgiving, everybody!

Saturday, November 15, 2014

F**kin' Fish

The other week my wife and I were driving through Mineola, TX, and we passed by this restaurant: 

What the hell is that fish doing to the burger??!!

Perhaps their fish burgers are delicious. But did the owner of this establishment ever consider the implications of this image?


I was in the grocery store the other day, and I found this in the produce aisle: 

It may not seem very weird or disturbing...that is, until you take a closer look at Buddy:

What is it about kiwifruit and strange packaging? Remember Ripe and Easy?

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

The Face of Pizza

The front of a pizza box from a small pizzeria in Austin, TX:

I could go off on the whole "delicious moments" thing, but what perplexes me is why one of the pizza dudes is very cartoony, while the other one is rendered more realistically.

Also, those "sausages" hanging down on the right are rather disturbing.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Green Cooking Freak

I found this image on a box of cooking ware:

There's something about the expression of this guy that really frightens me. I'm not sure if it's enthusiasm or psychosis.

And the fact that the company linked this image with "green" or "healthy" cooking just makes me want to run to McDonald's.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Punctuating Parrott

Went to early voting today, doing my civic duty, and this is what I found: 

Here is someone running for the TX State Board of Education, ending a question -- "May I please have your vote" -- with an exclamation mark. Oh, the irony...

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Sam Peach Butt Head

Driving from NC to TX today, and I found this at a Georgia rest stop: 

Please take a moment to ponder the choice of this visitor center's mascot. The peach-head Uncle Sam reminds me of the water tower in Gaffney, SC...that is, it reminds me of someone's ass.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

More Duck Excrement

Back in December, I pointed out the sheer ridiculousness of marketing items as Duck Dynasty-sponsored products, especially when the commodity in question has nothing whatsoever to do with these bearded redneck fakes and the kind of lifestyle they're trying to portray. There may be some products, such as t-shirts and bandanas, that might make sense as DD-related. For example, it wouldn't surprise me if the DD guys decided to lend their pusses to Clivan Bundy-raised beef or perhaps the next Ted Nugent album (or has this guy given up music for other types of hysterical noise?). But can the same really be said for computer mouse pads?

Folders for school kids?

And -- for crying out loud! -- peanut butter cups?

When I see crap like this in the store, I just want to weep uncontrollably for the state of our popular culture. That, and feel an irresistible urge to take a piss.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Type E Annoyance

Outside of the fact that I'm sick and tired of seeing this commercial aired about every 5 minutes, this is truly annoying.

I hope everyone associated with this project develops a nasty and hard-to-reach rash.

Friday, April 18, 2014

"Classic" Paper Dispenser

I found this paper towel dispenser in the bathroom of my local comic book shop: 

This is truly a "classic."

For more inappropriate quotation usages, be sure to check out the Gallery's special feature, Don't "Quote" Me on That.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

When Delicious Happens

Here's a sign I found on the door of a McDonald's: 

I had no idea that "delicious" was a noun...indeed, even an event that "happens." 

Be sure to check out more McCrap at the Gallery's special feature, "Reasons to Hate McDonald's."

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Wacky Macky

I found this product on my grocery store's shelves the other week: 

Do you really want to put something with the word "wacky" into your mouth?

Monday, April 7, 2014

Closing Me for Hughes

This ad appeared on my Facebook page the other day:

Not only do I not know who the hell Peggy Hughes is (and why would I?). I have no friggin' clue what this ad is trying to say.

Thanks, Facebook, for continuing to live up to my expectations.

For more of these annoying Facebook-sanctioned ads, check out the other Gallery entries Refinancing Freaks, Refinancing Freaks Revisited, Belly Fat Sex, Man-Child, Bin Laden Car Insurance, School for Scoundrels, He Has Risen, Facehole, Storybook Hell, Storybook Hell 2Trans Dad, Sexy Mummy, and Busty Language.

Wanting It on the "Stick"

The inappropriate use of quotes is enough to feature this image in The Gallery of the Absurd. But to compound the sign's ambiguity by referring to someone wanting it "on a stick"? Priceless.

For other such wacky quotation mark usages, be sure to check out the Gallery's special feature, Don't "Quote" Me on That.

Thanks to Averi Clements at Distractify, who compiled a list of these errant quotes.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Members Only Fire Escape

Here's something that Friend of the Gallery, Nick Zachariasen, found in a thrift shop in the Morningside neighborhood of Sioux City, IA:

Friday, January 24, 2014

Uncle Sugar

Sugarville...I wonder if this is where Uncle Sugar hails from. I'll have to make a note to ask Mike Schmuckabee about this.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Fresh and Crisp Clown

My buddy Brian Donahue sent this to me a while back: 

What makes this so disturbing is the image of the clown juxtaposed with the phrase "fresh and crisp."

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Ole' Time Johnny

I saw this ad while stopping over in Blytheville, AR, while traveling during the holidays: 

The excitement emanating from his photo just screams "Ole' Time Variety."

Friday, January 3, 2014

Speaking "Español"

While waiting in line at my local post office -- and I had a long time to wait -- I noticed this sign:

Why the quotation marks around the translation? Is "Service Door" handled ironically in Spanish? Or is this a way of confusing non-native speakers?

For that matter, why is "COD" possessive?

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Sheer Christmas

I found this two-sided promo card at a hotel in Blytheville, AR, while traveling during the holidays:

I'm not exactly sure what a "sheer Christmas" is all about. Does that refer to Shay's stocking?

Changing LINKS