The Gallery of the Absurd

Nothin' Says Lovin...

2012-02-05T16:22:00.004-06:00

It's time for this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

and chauvinism has never been so wacky!

Howdy Neighbo Rs

2012-02-01T14:17:00.003-06:00

Here's something my good friend, Randy Crain, sent in:

I'm not sure what bothers me more, their unbridled enthusiasm for the Wienermobile or their inability to layout a simple text-based sign.

Loopy Lupe

2012-01-31T08:49:00.003-06:00

I found this bag of Mama Lupe's tortilla chips in a local grocery store:

Her face just invites tastiness and tortilla crunch confidence, doesn't it?

Mama Lupe now joins the pantheon of other chip-related Gallery notables, such as Raul Vega and Uncle Ray. What wonderful company!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/30/12

2012-01-30T16:14:00.003-06:00

The Annoying J. Crew Model(s) for the week of January 30th:

A whimsical yet enchanting image from the J. Crew website:

I hate it when J. Crew tries to "hip up" their clothing with unusual or unlikely touches. Check out the annoying dude wearing the brogans. Don't you just want to smack him? And the guy on the right...does he think he's Doctor Who, or what?

No Laffing Matter

2012-01-28T16:53:00.004-06:00

This is no laffing matter. Let's get serious and see this week's installment of

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Let's stick with the weekend theme of clowns:

This is the stuff that nightmares are made of.

Pointy Clown

2012-01-27T20:24:00.007-06:00

It's Friday, and what better way to start the weekend than with a clown image?!

This is the Jel E. Bean clown sign near the Dort Mall in Flint, MI:

The way I understand it, evil clowns usually point to spiky ball tower things.

My god!!

Much thanks to Wordy Nerdy on Flickr, the source for today's freaky clown fix.

Service Cleaning

2012-01-26T08:48:00.002-06:00

Here's a sign found in the bathroom at Casey's convenience store in Sioux City, IA:

I've heard of good customer service, but the fact that they will even wash your hands for you...well, that just shows you how determined they are to make you happy.

Thanks again to Nick Zachariasen for his keen abilities to sniff out the weird.

Meat and Potato Crap

2012-01-25T13:20:00.003-06:00

Here's a packaged meal found in a grocery store:

I'm having a difficult time deciding what unappetizing thing the mashed potatoes resembles. The possibilities are almost endless.

Much thanks to Bill Elliott and Chris Sherer Apodaca for keen, connoisseur tastes in weirdness.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/23/12

2012-01-24T18:09:00.002-06:00

Oh joy! It's time for the Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of January 23rd!

Last week I featured a J. Crew model that had that fake disheveled look, and whose suit seemed two sized too small. Apparently, the Pee Wee Herman look is in over at J. Crew:

Bowery chinos? Does that mean they reek of industrial waste, urine, and Mad Dog 20/20?

Freeze Frame

2012-01-21T12:02:00.004-06:00

Chill out! It's time for another installment of

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I especially appreciate the weird electric glow emanating from behind Mrs. R. Q. Lewis and her kids.

Getting Ready for the Mouthfeel

2012-01-20T16:00:00.002-06:00

Here's an ad from the good folks at Ardbeg:

I know that liquor makers like to sexualize their product, but at what point does this practice become, not only too obvious, but downright degrading?

The Gallery wishes you a wonderful weekend, filled with the right kind of mouthfeel!

Stimulating God

2012-01-19T14:08:00.002-06:00

In honor of the upcoming South Carolina Republican primaries, I thought I'd share with you this little bundle of joy:

Nothing says religious conservatism like stuffing a bunch of babies into a cardboard box.

The Lonely Drawing Boy II

2012-01-18T19:48:00.003-06:00

Last month I posted "The Lonely Drawing Boy," a box label with an image of a boy sitting at an activity desk. As I noted then, there was something about the kid in that picture that was really pathetic. To compound my sadness, this product had an official Disney Pixar Cars 2 stamp. Recently I was in another store and found another activity desk and chair set under another company name, and this one had the exact same picture of the lonely drawing boy:

I'm even more depressed looking at this image, one that I know was also mined by the evil overlords at the Disney corporation. Man...if this keeps up, I'll have to go on some kind of medication.

Coming to You from Rum Headquarters

2012-01-17T20:09:00.005-06:00

I was in Indiana over the holidays visiting Milford, a small town in the northern part of the state. Milford might not be known for much, but they have the distinction of being

Indiana's Rum Headquarters!

No small feat.

The Smell of Freedom

2012-01-16T14:15:00.003-06:00

Gallery bloodhound Nick Zachariasen found this putrid bit American marketing, something that apparently won't make you sweat:

What exactly does freedom smell like?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/16/12

2012-01-16T12:02:00.004-06:00

Cha miss us last week? Well now we're back with another

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

If there's anything that really pisses me about J. Crew models it's that faux disheveled look:

Fix your tie, dammit!

Creepy Toy Story

2012-01-04T08:36:00.002-06:00

Over the holidays, I found this sign outside a Dollar General:

On the surface there doesn't seem to be anything unusual about this poster, but there's just something about this image that leaves me a little unsettled. Is it Thomas leering at Barbie? Is it the sad reality of trying to make the Disney bowling pins look appealing? Or is it just the fact that this was outside a Dollar General?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 1/2/12

2012-01-02T13:04:00.003-06:00

It's a new year and a new week, so it's time for another installment of

The Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week

As you make, and attempt to keep, your New Year's resolution to lose weight, please make sure this image is in the forefront of your mind:

Yes, you can be too thin.

Shiny New Year

2012-01-01T10:46:00.002-06:00

Shiny New Year from

The Gallery of the Absurd!

Here's to a wonderful 2012, where cheesiness will know no bounds.

Jim Henson's Cellophane Babies

2011-12-31T21:08:00.005-06:00

Wrap up your troubles in a see-through bag, 'cause it's time for this weekend's installment of

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Ah....things were so much simpler back then. People smoked openly, racial segregation was the norm, women stayed in the home, and little kids could be wrapped in plastic and put out of sight with no legal or moral repercussions.

Safe Sex for the Mentally Challenged

2011-12-29T10:21:00.003-06:00

This image was on the Village Voice's blog, but it's well worth presenting it here on the Gallery. It's an advertisement for Durex condoms that ran in India:

I know that a large part of the responsibility of putting on the condom rests with the man. But don't you think that the woman should know whether or not he actually used it? If she's so clueless (AKA, stupid), then maybe she shouldn't be in a situation that would even remotely lead to breeding.

Or maybe this woman found an empty condom wrapper in her apartment and is wondering if her lover/husband used it with someone else?

Or maybe she's brain damaged and just likes standing in front of empty packages.

Or maybe she's just mesmerized by anything related to contraception.

Any of these possibilities would make sense...wouldn't they?

Incongruous Hiring Practices

2011-12-28T09:00:00.004-06:00

Here's a hiring display from a McDonald's in North Platte, NE:

I'm not really sure what to make of this display. It includes "Now Hiring" standing cards in an aquarium, along with various shells, set on a blue cloth that is obviously supposed to suggest the ocean. But why the beach motif? There's nothing at all in the restaurant that even remotely suggests anything oceanic. And this is in Nebraska, after all. What's more, this display looks like it was thrown together at the last minute, rather haphazardly.

Yeah...this really invites career opportunities.

The Diva Scrooge

2011-12-27T14:18:00.002-06:00

Damn, I'm sorry I missed this gospel adaptation of the Dickens classic, especially as it's represented in such a high quality commercial. It would have made my holidays all that more mesmerizing, surrealistic, and painful.

The Lonely Drawing Boy

2011-12-27T13:42:00.003-06:00

The other week, while I was in Walmart at the height of the holiday shopping season, I came across this in the toy aisles:

What struck me about this box is how pathetically lonely the little boy looks.

I get depressed just looking at this image.

Aborted Xmas

2011-12-26T16:04:00.003-06:00

The Island of Misfit Toys taken to a whole new level:

Think about this advertisement for a moment. Toys that play with kids? Children who never were being missed by inanimate objects that will surely be enjoyed by real children from families less fortunate that most people reading this ad? There's a big-ass creepiness factor going on here, and we have the kind folks at the Niagara Region Right to Life organization to thank for that.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/26/11

2011-12-26T09:23:00.002-06:00

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of December 26th:

Apparently, Teddy didn't get any socks as a holiday gift.

Being Naughty and Nice

2011-12-25T15:13:00.002-06:00

Happy Holidays

from the Gallery of the Absurd

Here's hoping that everybody got something good in their stockings this year.

Happy Hanukkah

2011-12-25T08:21:00.007-06:00

The Gallery of the Absurd wishes everyone a

Happy Hanukkah!

Making Your Yuletide Gay

2011-12-24T13:57:00.005-06:00

Hold on to your butts, it's time for a second dose of this weekend's holiday

RETRO-ADTIVITY

I could comment on this advertisement for men's pajamas, but I'll just let that little Freud in you do the talking.

A Charbroiled Christmas

2011-12-24T10:15:00.007-06:00

Deck the halls and run like hell...it's time for the 2011 Christmas weekend edition of

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If "someone you love" gives you a gift such as this, you have every right to kick them in their jingle bells.

Krazy Kommercial Kristmas

2011-12-23T06:29:00.003-06:00

This Walmart commercial has been bombarding the airwaves this holiday season:

God, this makes me want to hate Christmas.

Have a Cup of Christmas Fear

2011-12-23T05:45:00.002-06:00

I was in an Office Max recently and saw this banner:

There's no doubt about it: this face shows the true, true horrors of the holiday season.

God help us, everyone.

Slasher Christmas

2011-12-22T11:49:00.002-06:00

Today's Gallery entry is provided by our Colorado connection, Al Wirtes:

Ah...nothings says "Peace on Earth" than a good slasher flick.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/19/11

2011-12-22T08:32:00.007-06:00

In the J. Crew tradition of shamelessly exploiting the "cuteness" of children to sell their overrated product, I bring to you the

Annoying J. Crew Model of

Christmas Week!

God bless our overpriced clothing, everyone!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/12/11

2011-12-12T12:32:00.002-06:00

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of December 12th:

J. Crew, asking you to remember that this holiday season, there's no such thing as too thin!

Hair Care Scare

2011-12-11T15:01:00.002-06:00

Praise the Lord! This weekend we have a second dose of

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Here's an old German hair-care advertisement from the good people at Rowenta:

Much thanks to Mitch O'Connell, who provided today's entry. Be sure to check out his blog, which is filled will weird, off-beat images. You won't be disappointed.

Banging Santa

2011-12-10T10:57:00.004-06:00

Make your holiday go off with a BANG by checking out this week's installment of

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Nothings says "Peace on earth, good will toward men" more than a Colt pistol:

I wonder if this ad ever ran in any Virginia publications?

A Bra-lly Christmas

2011-12-09T08:56:00.003-06:00

After yesterday's titillating Gallery entry, it's only appropriate that we follow up with an advertisement of equal measurement and proportion, this one from the online company FreshPair:

I guess it's not only stockings that Santa will be stuffing.

Bra bless us, everyone!

Boob Loan

2011-12-08T06:10:00.002-06:00

Money and breasts...two tastes that go great together on the Internet! Here's an ad I recently found online:

By this point, wouldn't you think Internet marketing folk would be a little more subtle? No...I guess not.

Trying to Score with FreeScore

2011-12-07T20:09:00.003-06:00

Here's a FreeScore.com commercial that has been saturating the airwaves. This is ridiculous, and disturbing, for a number of reasons.

First, the commercial suggests that there's something immediate you can do about your credit scores, which is highly misleading. Second, the electronic salesman with the big poofy hair sort of creeps me out. And finally, the whole big-screen television shopping act seems more like a facade for some weird pickup scene. Note the way the salesman and customer interact and look at each other, and the fact that there are buff men in tight-fitting clothing standing behind them.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Santa and the Ladies

2011-12-07T15:15:00.002-06:00

I found this sign in the women's section in our local Walmart:

Just look at that expression on Santa's face. You just know he's got certain "special" sleepwear on his mind.

I guess this is the same Santa that can be found in the adult section.

Steaks Are So Funny

2011-12-06T06:13:00.002-06:00

Here's the message board from a steak buffet here in Kearney, NE:

I'm not sure the person who put up this sign understands the whole concept behind that thing called "a joke."

Santa...After Dark

2011-12-05T18:52:00.002-06:00

Much thanks to Gallery special agent, Nick Zachariasen, who found this sign at a Christmas event held in the Vermillion, SD, Public Library:

The erotic possibilities are endless!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 12/5/11

2011-12-05T18:02:00.002-06:00

Bundle up, it's time for the Annoying J. Crew Model of the week!

Here's another image from the J. Crew holiday catalog:

Why is this dork outside in the snow, hauling a tree, in just a simple layer of pants and a sports jacket? I guess this is the kind of mental caliber you find in a J. Crew model.

And We Thought the Catholic Church Had Problems

2011-12-04T16:01:00.004-06:00

I'll let this album cover speak for itself.

Be sure to check out other freaky album covers at Steve Carter's "The Worst Album Covers Ever Created?" web page. And a big thanks to Lauren Weinstein for her Facebook posting, which introduced me to this cringe-inducing site.

Frozen Fear

2011-12-03T12:37:00.002-06:00

Scoop it out and let it melt in your mouth, it's time for this week's installment of

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Before we plunge ourselves too far into the holiday season, let's have another clown-induced dose of fear and trembling in the form of an old Twin Pines ice cream box:

The horror...the horror...

Spudman

2011-12-02T08:12:00.003-06:00

I learned just the other day that there's such a thing as a magazine called Spudman. It's a trade publication for potato farmers. These farmers are a wonderful breed, I'm sure, and I mean them no ridicule. But there's just something funny about the word "spudman," and something even funnier about the fact that there's a magazine titled this.

I wonder what would happen if the Spudmen ever met the Spud Boys?

Are we not men?

Happy Happy Christmas

2011-12-01T06:39:00.002-06:00

It's the Christmas season, and everyone is happy...right? At least that's the case with this freaky-looking mascot for mySimon.com:

Just look at him.

Doesn't he just exude holiday cheer?

Holiday Chuckles

2011-11-30T08:14:00.003-06:00

This large banner is still being displayed at the Stage Coach Gift Shop here in Kearney, NE:

I get how they're going for the whole scary clown thing. A good chunk of the Gallery is built upon this premise. But this is an sign for Halloween, and we're into the Christmas season. Isn't there someone at the store who checks out the parking lot on a regular basis?

Besides, I never thought of a frontier-based gift shop as a place where one would find anything like a "Halloween Headquarters."

Bonobos Bimbo

2011-11-29T05:52:00.002-06:00

Over the weekend I found this advertisement on some website (can't remember which one):

What is this guy doing? Is he being hit with a bullet on his left shoulder? What's with the dipshit look on his face? Did he swallow something sour? "Betterfit"...looks like this dude is having some sort of fit.

Is Bonobos trying to compete with J. Crew when it comes to the annoying factor?

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 11/28/11

2011-11-28T09:07:00.002-06:00

It's time for the Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of November 28th!

I've noted before on the Gallery how shameless J. Crew is when it comes to exploiting the "cuteness" of children to sell clothes. This holiday season is no different:

Just take a close look at the Santa-boy:

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure if we should feel sorry for this kid or if he just deserves to be slapped upside the head.

J. Crew, helping you to hate the holidays since 1983.

Still More Black Friday Crap

2011-11-27T10:37:00.003-06:00

As we're coming out the other side of the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, here is yet another annoying Target Black Friday commercial, this one from last year:

I'm sure Maria Bamford is a smart cookie. But does she really want to bank her future career on continuing to be the psychotic Target Lady, hawking the message that the holidays are all about obsessively crazy shopping? It would be different if there was a modicum of tangible irony here, but given Target's larger mission, that particular undercurrent seems lost.

Smoked Turkey

2011-11-26T09:20:00.004-06:00

Light up those Thanksgiving leftovers, it's time for this week's installment of

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Last week I featured an old Lucky Strikes advertisement that combined Thanksgiving and smoking...which, I guess, in the 1950s, were two tastes that go great together. But the good people at Camel were apparently also on the same page:

And remember, it's all for the peaceful feeling that comes from good digestion.

More Black Friday Pablum

2011-11-25T21:27:00.002-06:00

One in an apparently endless and mind-numbing series of annoying holiday commercials brought to you by the people at Target.

So what's the message here: hackneyed, sleazy pop singers in slutty nurse uniforms are supposed to make us go out and shop on Black Friday?

Does anything about this commercial make any kind of sense in terms of the holidays?

Black Friday Stripper

2011-11-25T07:23:00.003-06:00

Joy. It's the day after Thanksgiving, what all the marketing, merchandising, and media folk like to dub "Black Friday," a name of questionable implications and designed to stick in your head and make you feel you have to go out and spend money.

Here's a Nine West ad from last year:

So what is the message here? That buying shoes is more important than putting food on your table? That the holiday season is all about sex and spending money? That what's behind door number three is a fashion miasma with no other purpose than to consume your attention? That what is really important are parts of a woman, not the whole person? That cheap-looking bras Photoshopped on an ad will bring in more customers?

Is it any wonder so many people get depressed during the holiday season?

Happy Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T08:24:00.011-06:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

from the Gallery of the Absurd!

Your place for weird-looking things 'n' stuff!

Giving Thanks to Hip Hop

2011-11-23T07:50:00.003-06:00

Thanksgiving is almost upon us, and along with it, the usual batch of stupid holiday crap.

Here's an advertisement from last year:

Because nothing says "Thanksgiving" more than Ludacris and Big Boi.

Boldly Becoming a Senior

2011-11-22T16:29:00.004-06:00

Last month I was in Bethlehem, PA, and there I found this poster outside of the local Social Security office:

Okay, George Takei, I understand. But Patty Duke in a Starfleet uniform? What's up with that?

You know...even the George Takei part is just plain embarrassing.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 11/21/11

2011-11-21T21:33:00.004-06:00

In all of it's gut-wrenching glory, it's time for the

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

What is it about this image that just annoys the hell out of me?

Can you have me figure it out?

Funny Colon

2011-11-20T11:34:00.002-06:00

I'm sure many of you have seen those commercials for Phillip's Colon Health with the "Colon Lady." Here's one of the latest manifestations of this marketing campaign:

What's so weird about this commercial isn't so much the fact that a woman is talking about colon medication at a wedding--strange enough as that might be--as it is the shots of the middle-aged woman sitting at the table, nodding her head, and smiling as she listens along.

Nicotine Stuffing

2011-11-19T06:24:00.002-06:00

We're about to enter the holiday season, so smoke 'em if you got 'em, because it's time for this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Nothing says "Thanksgiving" like a pack of cigs.

Wonder what this woman uses in the stuffing?

Safety, Ronald, and You

2011-11-17T11:01:00.002-06:00

I saw this sign outside of a McDonald's in North Platte, Nebraska:

As with many things relating to McD's, there's something about this image that makes me uncomfortable, but I'm not entirely certain what it is. Is it Ronald's face? The slogan that we should "make it click" with him? The big iconic "M" that is about where Ronald's groin area would be? The fact that safety is being associated with a clown?

Wrestling the Clown in You

2011-11-15T12:25:00.003-06:00

Friend of the Gallery, Al Wirtes, sent in this ad for an event at the Broomfield Auditorium:

I understand that this is supposed to be a Lucha libre, but to me he looks more like a clown...a clown riding a weird piñata-looking thing.

Bet that LEGO-themed music was awesome!

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 11/14/11

2011-11-15T10:59:00.003-06:00

The Gallery of the Absurd has been on a hiatus for the past month. But now that the holiday season is upon us--and all the weirdness the holidays bring--it's time to get back into the swing of things. So let's get things going again with the Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of November 14th, shall we?

This week's Annoying J. Crew Model is...well, the whole crew. This is the cover of the latest J. Crew catalog:

All of those clean-cut smiling white-bread faces (no color in the group at all). What an annoying way to begin the holidays...and from the Italian Alps, no less. Not part of the 99%, I assume.

Squirrelly Fun

2011-10-09T13:29:00.002-05:00

Something squirrelly is going on around here. It must be this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

I think I've found my new career:

Yes sir, out of a real squirrel!

Whitney Sucks

2011-10-07T11:24:00.003-05:00

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm pretty damned tired of NBC fobbing their latest "hit" off as something I should pay attention to. I've seen parts of this new show Whitney, and all I can say is that it really, really sucks. Not funny, not worth seeing, and just generally, a major league failure. Even my Netflix shipments has crap trying to play up the glory of Whitney:

Did I say that all of this Whitney crap really, really sucks?

Half of all Netflix accounts ends with...cancelation!

Shanghai Bound

2011-10-05T21:37:00.003-05:00

Jeez....Asian women and bondage references. What kind of wet dream was the marketing folk having with this?

Cool Dude

2011-10-03T18:31:00.004-05:00

I often pass this van while while on one of my jogging routes around town:

I'm mesmerized by this plucky image of the cool Eskimo dude:

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 10/3/11

2011-10-03T16:27:00.002-05:00

Welcome to October! Here's the month's first Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week:

Come on, dude. Quit trying to look "hip" and put on some damn socks! I'm sure that foot sweat ain't helping ya any.

Clown Corn

2011-10-01T10:04:00.004-05:00

Just poppin' with yummy buttery goodness, it's time for this week's installment of

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Mmmmmmmmmm. Nothing sparks my appetite like seeing a clown with this ass shoved in a mound of popcorn.

Taking a Little Nip

2011-09-30T09:03:00.003-05:00

Here's yet another visual link between alcohol and breasts:

Just another variation on a theme we saw in Wednesday's Gallery posting.

Have a great weekend. And if you're going to drink, do it responsibly.

Krazy Kourtesy

2011-09-29T17:55:00.003-05:00

Here's a small courtesy sign I found at a Days Inn:

They ought to have an editor do a thorough reading of their messages before they print them. For instance, is it really necessary for them to include "truly" in that first complete sentence? It's like they're trying too hard to convince us of their sincerity. Also, do they really need both "variety" and "sundry" in that third sentence?

Beer Breasts

2011-09-28T16:46:00.003-05:00

I know that beer commercials often challenge appropriateness and decency, but sometimes you just have to wonder at the audacity of a company's marketing team:

A woman holding a beer under the breasts of another woman (while she looks curiously at the "shade"). What might be the message here?

You know, I just might have to create a special Gallery feature for alcohol-related entries.

"Goal"!

2011-09-27T09:45:00.003-05:00

There was a big high school marching band competition in Kearney, NE, this past weekend, and these bands were part of a parade that made its way through the city. And as with many parades, the Shriners were involved, complete with their mini-motorized vehicles. Here's the cart that displayed the local Shriners' sign:

Not sure why they placed quotes around part of their stated goal. I never thought of the Shriners as a body embracing irony. Also, they don't seem very up-to-date when it comes to their choice of disability word usage.

Seriously, these guys do good things. They just need better branding.

Krazy Kozy Kid

2011-09-26T20:46:00.003-05:00

I was in a Walmart today and passed by a display with these Cozy Covers.

Perhaps it is cozy for the kid, but there's something about this image and the kid peeping out from a small hole that disturbs me.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 9/26/11

2011-09-26T19:27:00.002-05:00

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of September 26th:

The way she has her leg displayed, it's like she's checking for dog poop and proudly smiling for us when she doesn't fine any. It apparently doesn't take much to make a J. Crew model happy.

Maniacal Beer Dude

2011-09-24T09:37:00.004-05:00

It tastes great, yet less filling! That's right, all you party animals, it's time for another installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

A classic Budweiser advertisement. Just look at the expression on this guy's face:

I'm not sure if that's excitement or mania. And all of this over a glass of beer. I'm frightened just looking at him.

Meat Pastry Boy

2011-09-23T16:24:00.003-05:00

Today's Gallery of the Absurd entry is brought to you by the letter A...as in Al, who provided this image:

Let's take a closer look at Hot Piroshki boy, shall we?

Now that that image is burned into your memory....have a great weekend!

Barcardi Crotch

2011-09-22T10:55:00.002-05:00

Alcohol advertisements are some of the most misleading and most manipulative out there, and those for the Bacardi company are no exceptions. Here's one that sells the "transformative" nature of their rum:

Outside of the obvious message here, what gets me is the composition of this ad, especially the placement of the Bacardi symbol with its bright red background. Notice that it's placed right over the woman's crotch.

Guess what alcohol consumption leads to?

Codeword: Obsolete

2011-09-21T09:45:00.003-05:00

Gallery watcher, Paolo Ruffino, sent in this picture he took of the Semiconductor Archives, a shop found at 48 Deptford Broadway in London:

I'm not exactly sure what "military and industrial obsolete semiconductors" are, but this whole thing sounds rather shady to me. As Paolo notes in his email, "The shop has never been open. The entrance door looks suspicious, as well as the repainted and blank wall surrounding it."

Perhaps we should send the owners a "facsimile" and let them know that their signage and its wording are obsolete as well.

Thanks to Paolo, and be sure to check out his Website.

Beard Boy

2011-09-20T18:10:00.003-05:00

Another in a seemingly unending, and painful, series of idiotic financing ads found on the Web. This one has a young guy in a ridiculously non-age-appropriate beard.

For more of this kind of Web-based advertising crap, check out the Gallery entries Refinancing Freaks, Refinancing Freaks Revisited, Belly Fat Sex, Man-Child, Pigman, Bin Laden car insurance, school for scoundrels, He has risen, Facehole, and storybook hell parts 1 and 2.

We "Care"

2011-09-19T11:31:00.002-05:00

There's a dry cleaning business just down the street from me, Liberty Cleaners. I haven't been there yet, but it seems like a pretty good place to take your laundry. However, there's lettering on the side of their building that has me wondering:

For more quotation mayhem, check out the special section of the Gallery, "Don't 'Quote' Me on That."

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 9/19/11

2011-09-19T10:00:00.003-05:00

The Annoying J. Crew Model(s) for the week of September 19th:

Why are both models scratching their heads? Does J. Crew have a problem with eczema? Dandruff? Cooties?

Funny Gas

2011-09-17T10:35:00.002-05:00

Suck it up all you clowns, it's time for this week's installment of

RETRO-ADTIVITY

From the February 1960 issue of Popular Mechanics:

Putting a clown face on an oxygen cylinder is supposed to be less frightening for kids?!

Although this is not really a formal ad, it does "advertise" a new invention. Plus, it involves clowns. Thanks again to Al, who certainly ain't clowning around with this one.

2011-09-16T14:20:00.003-05:00

It's Friday, so let's combine two concepts that go great with the weekend: clowns and liquor.

Here is some signage from Circus Liquor, in Burbank, CA:

If you don't think alcoholism is scary, then just take a good long look at these signs.

Size Does Matter

2011-09-15T07:37:00.002-05:00

What gets me about this wrapper from a mini-size 100 Grand Bar are the words "fun size." Wouldn't it be more fun to have a much larger bar of candy?

Radio Wave's

2011-09-14T16:37:00.001-05:00

Here's a sign found outside of a Wendy's drive-thru:

Makes you wonder if you'll find anything extra in your burger, doesn't it?

Definitely a Good Driver

2011-09-13T08:46:00.002-05:00

Today's entry is provided by the ever-dependable Nick Zachariasen:

Read the quote, and just put your mind at ease.

Dominatrix Snax

2011-09-12T14:44:00.002-05:00

Something our ol' friend Al Wirtes found while grocery shopping:

Pain, humiliation, and domination...and only 130 calories!

Annoying J. Crew Model - 9/12/11

2011-09-12T13:27:00.002-05:00

The Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of September 12th:

He's just in his own little world. Let's let him be.

Sleep Rack

2011-09-09T08:01:00.003-05:00

Sometimes Internet advertisements are just so painfully obvious. Here are two for information on sleeping soundly throughout the night:

Now why would they feature in these ads women who are quite heavily endowed and displaying cleavage? Think about it, won't you?

Happy Seniors

2011-09-08T10:08:00.001-05:00

This postcard for a health seminar (addressed to "occupant") came in the mail the other day:

There's something about these people that freaks me out, the expression on their faces...especially the men. They seem a little too happy, like their about to go manic.

Go ahead, take a good, long, close look:

See what I mean?

Lazyfeet

2011-09-07T19:40:00.002-05:00

The name of this product should actually be "Lazyfeet."

Much thanks to John Bird, keeping an eagle-eye on potential Gallery fodder out there.

Areola Coloring

2011-09-06T11:55:00.003-05:00

Here's another contribution from Gallery stalwart, Al Wirtes:

I'm not sure which is freakier: the three-part face photos, the ambiguity of "special needs," or the fact that "areola coloring" is listed in an ad for facial makeup.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 9/5/11

2011-09-05T09:52:00.002-05:00

You can't get rid of them that easily. Once again, it's the Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week!

This specimen comes to us for the week of September 5th:

I'm not sure what exactly it is she's doing, but whatever it is, it's really annoying.

Float On

2011-09-04T10:23:00.004-05:00

After a brief hiatus, it's time to engage in a little "floating action"...something that I like to call

RETRO-ADTIVITY

Mmmmmm.......floating action.......

Not sure what that is, but it's bound to be a wild ride.

Grammar Quandaries

2011-08-19T07:25:00.002-05:00

Is the apostrophe used as a possessive or a contraction? Is "nuts" an adjective or noun? And would these be something you'd put in your pockets?

Eco Silly

2011-08-18T07:37:00.004-05:00

While over in Italy the other month, the hotel where I stayed had this brand of toilet paper:

Outside of the silly looking tree mascot--do you really want something goofy so close to your ass?--this label raises a number of questions. What is the tree mascot holding? Is it tissue paper, a towel, or a college essay? Why does he have an "A" on his shirt? Why is the tree even wearing a shirt? And what exactly is that bird doing in the tree's "hair"? Think about it, won't you?

Doing It Doggie Style

2011-08-17T18:13:00.003-05:00

Here's another image sent to us from that South Dakota deconstructer, Nick Zachariasen:

With a name like "Love Glove," I guess this is one product where you have to do it doggie style.

Annoying J. Crew Model of the Week - 8/15/11

2011-08-16T21:49:00.001-05:00

Your Annoying J. Crew Model for the week of August 15th:

Folks, she just doesn't care.